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Bowel Incontinence Worse than Death! Really?


John Davis

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I am among several here who are fecal incontinent.  Those here are the "survivors" - those who have managed to cope with that form of incontinence.  Unfortunately, many have not and tend to isolate themselves from society and avoiding all social contact.

A few years back I was shocked to read a 2016 JAMA article that reported a survey of patients hospitalized with serious conditions who listed fecal incontinence as being a state worse than, or equal to, death.😱  Now, that was not a survey of the general public, but it does reflect the very negative attitutes toward bowel incontinence held by many.  Many newly FI are reported in medical studies to have had suicidal ideations.  It is unclear how many attempted suicide.

For myself, I admit that I had very negative views before actually becoming FI and learning to manage it somewhat effectively.

How do you think the public views fecal incontinence? For that matter, how does your family and relations view FI?

--John

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1 hour ago, John Davis said:

I am among several here who are fecal incontinent.  Those here are the "survivors" - those who have managed to cope with that form of incontinence.  Unfortunately, many have not and tend to isolate themselves from society and avoiding all social contact.

A few years back I was shocked to read a 2016 JAMA article that reported a survey of patients hospitalized with serious conditions who listed fecal incontinence as being a state worse than, or equal to, death.😱  Now, that was not a survey of the general public, but it does reflect the very negative attitutes toward bowel incontinence held by many.  Many newly FI are reported in medical studies to have had suicidal ideations.  It is unclear how many attempted suicide.

For myself, I admit that I had very negative views before actually becoming FI and learning to manage it somewhat effectively.

How do you think the public views fecal incontinence? For that matter, how does your family and relations view FI?

--John

If I had to deal with this at my current work place, I think it would be an issue....  And would at that point definitely end up with a discussion with HR concerning ADA and other rules.

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21 hours ago, zzyzx said:

If I had to deal with this at my current work place, I think it would be an issue....  And would at that point definitely end up with a discussion with HR concerning ADA and other rules.

@zzyzx

I think the way people view incontinence or fecal incontinence specifically is basically determinant on what the situation is, or what someone's feelings are regarding the situation. Most people would think " my goodness this is terrible, I need to be able to get some help, and other things like that"  I know from experience that some people think incontinence is the worst thing that can possibly happen to them, but I have helped young children actually accept the fact that wearing diapers is not a big deal because you may not be able to control it, and your bladder may not be as big as others, so you might not be able to control it or have the control to hold. Some of my friends have fecal incontinence as well, and that can also devastating to anyone who is trying to deal with it, who can't understand why for some reason they don't have the control. Because I have a disability myself, diapers are a tool that can be used, but sometimes the stigmas are associated with incontinence can make people feel inadequate like they should have known better or they had something to do with it, when it's not something they can control.

Diapers are simply a tool that can be used as a way to handle incontinence. there are other ways too, but in my case, I didn't want to deal with having to go to a urologist, because I do have a neurologic condition, having cerebral palsy, and everybody knows about cerebral palsy and what can happen, and that there are many subconditions that can be exacerbated by having cerebral palsy. I told the doctor and no one certain terms that I his judgment, And I believe that he had enough information to make the proper diagnosis, so that I could wear diapers, and there would be no question, because technically, life goes by so quickly, and sometimes you have to take it as it comes, and sometimes one of the hardest things to do is to deal with incontinence. the way someone deals with incontinence, or the way someone feels about incontinence can also help the person who has incontinence to be able to deal with it. Someone who is somehow turned off by incontinence, or think it's bad, or Thinks of you in a negative connotation because of your incontinence, this can be a negative draw. They make you feel uncomfortable or they may make you feel as if you should know better, but we all know that incontinence is something that some people may not have a choice about, May not have any control over, So having a negative influence over incontinence is not uncommon, but it's amazing how many people use stigmas and old beliefs that we were taught as kids that diapers were disgusting or terrible and only for babies, when we know darn well that that isn't true!

When you have a supportive bunch of people, who love you regardless of what happens, that is one of the positives of having a good support system. many people may not have good support systems, so they have to come to places like this to be able to get advice about how to handle it. how a person responds to someone who comes to them and said they're dealing with incontinence, and they might have to wear diapers or they might decide to wear diapers or they might wear diapers anyway, And if they have a good support system and an understanding bunch of friends or family members, it's a lot easier to deal with, and it's not as big of a deal as some people make it out to be. Incontinence, it is very easy to think of the negative, it is quite hard in some cases to turn a negative into a positive, But in my case a negative was a positive, because I'm dealing with a negative of the incontinence, And I'm also dealing with the positive of being able to deal with the feelings that I've been dealing with ever since I was eight years old. If you have a supportive family member or a lot of good friends, they would look at it as no big deal, and they would simply help you and they would support you all the way, but if you have someone in the negative that can put a damper on it.

The idea to be supportive is always a good one: I don't care whether a person is urinarily incontinent or fecally incontinent or both. They are incontinent, and they need to have the support and loving care of people who they trust. trust is the main thing that everyone needs to have, if you can't trust people, then you can't deal with it effectively.  Incontinence can be treated with Medicines or other interventions, but the most important thing is that you need to be supportive loving understanding and supportive. if you are dealing with it this way, then the person that is dealing with incontinence has a good shot of understanding that incontinence is not their fault, and they should not have to worry how other people respond to them having the issue. if you know how to handle incontinence after you learn, you learn that it isn't that big of a deal, and you have strategies to be able to deal with it. if your friends and family support you, to them it's no big deal and it's part of life, and they would easily understand and they wouldn't want to put you down or make you feel bad, it just happens.

for example my cerebral palsy was caused by something to have to do with not having Enough oxygen when I was born. Because of this, I ended up getting cerebral palsy, which was not my fault, not my parents fault, or anything like that, it was just something that we dealt with. my brother also was disabled, and my mom dealt with that as well, including dealing with changing my brother every day, And it was normal for us to do this. My parents were not the type of people who would get after me if I had an accident, or any of my other family members, because they knew that we had disabled people in the family and we dealt with our disabilities the best we could. I was very very lucky in life that I had a grandmother, mother and father who were very supportive, And my grandmother has dealt with her daughter Disability and her brothers and sisters were always there. She died at 53 in 2017, but she always was the kind of person who would roll with the punches regardless of what happened, and was loving and caring and everything else, and always and always had a really good handle on things.

People have to realize that having incontinence is not their fault. It could be caused by medical condition, it could be caused by an injury, it could be caused because something is not right in the body, but regardless of how it is caused, there are many ways to deal with it, and I know that it can be inconvenient for many, And I've had it happen to me very inconveniently a couple of times, But when you live with incontinence you have you have to understand that it is there, and you have to look it in the eye, and you have to say I have you under control!

The way the public views incontinence will base any response. People who are in the medical profession are probably seen it many times, dealt with it many times, and may have been either a CNA or an LNA or maybe an RN, and have had to deal with patient care, which includes dealing with changing briefs or dealing with incontinence. those people that do it, they understand that a person is incontinent and they don't even bat an eyelash, and their professional and empathetic to people's conditions. There are so many people in the world that deal with incontinence It's probably not even funny, and probably not even quantifiable, But the thing is people that deal with it every day understand it, while other people may just think incontinence is something that is disgusting, or something that somebody deals with that unpleasant. of course incontinence can be unprecedented especially the fecal end of it, but as long as you have control of it, and you know how to handle it, you don't freak out when you have an accident, but you may end up thinking to yourself darn I had an accident at this location, and it was embarrassing, but I have to take care of it!

the point is that incontinence is part of your life, whether it be urinary or Fecal. if you have acute incontinence, or moderate incontinence, then you use appropriate measures to deal with it, maybe the pull ups maybe the cloth underwear underwear whatever that they sell, If you have moderate or severe incontinence, you may have to pull up the heavy duty diapers ones that are based on you're dealing with. you don't want to be dealing with severe incontinence with something that is based to be used with small bouts of incontinence. you have to use the right tools, and sometimes the tools you use may have to change depending on the severity.

Regardless of what you use to take care of the situation, whether you use medicine, whether you use preventative tools, or whether you accept it and do whatever you do, acceptance is one of the first things that you have to do. once you accept it, then you can move on with it, but it is not the end of the world as I keep telling people: tell me if you have a problem and you don't try to deal with it, the problem will still be there, what you need to do is be able to take it by the torns and say this is a problem, and I'm gonna take care of it, and it may be scary Or inconvenient, but Incontinence is a fact of life, and it can be very degrading to some people, because they might think that they have or had the control, and they're slowly losing it, and that is unfortunate, but there are plenty of tools to be able to deal with it. some people can't even control it, so they end up having to deal with it in different ways, but I am surprised because there are so many people that will just say no big deal Let's take it on and move on! if you have that type of an attitude, then you should be able to deal with it, you just need to have the right support system, and the right tools to be able to deal with it. once you have that, dealing with incontinence is easy to deal with, it's just about as easy as changing a diaper.

Brian

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5 hours ago, Brian said:

When you have a supportive bunch of people, who love you regardless of what happens, that is one of the positives of having a good support system. many people may not have good support systems, so they have to come to places like this to be able to get advice about how to handle it.

Brian, you nailed it.  And it is our challenge to pay it forward by providing as much support to others as we can.  Of course, that is not completely altruistic - by supporting others we ourselves gain so much emotionally.

--John

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2 minutes ago, John Davis said:

Brian, you nailed it.  And it is our challenge to pay it forward by providing as much support to others as we can.  Of course, that is not completely altruistic - by supporting others we ourselves gain so much emotionally.

--John

@John Davis

Thank you! the most important thing is if you're dealing with bed wetting, incontinence, or any type of issue, weather, whether it be urinary incontinence fecal incontinence are both, the most important thing is that we allow people to know that it is common to have these issues, and not to freak out and have nightmares over it. many people that I've dealt with Maine May not understand what's going on, but they know that know that it's something that they must deal with. I've learned that if you can deal with it because you know what the problem is, and you're not afraid of it, you can look it right in the face and you can take control of it right away. if you need help, there are people all over the place that can help you, but it may take the right type of person to help the support you need.

In my mind you are exactly right, we have a situation where we're dealing with incontinence or bed wetting, or other issues related to incontinence and, and we do owe it to ourselves to pay it forward, and tell people that incontinence is not all bad, and all of the stigmas and bad things that people hear about incontinence, wearing diapers, dealing with the logistics of changes and other things, they're not as bad as people make it sound, but you also have to realize that people may not understand on it, the worst thing that you can do is to worry about it to the point you end up making yourself sick. incontinence is common, in many people men and women, but I also understand that women probably don't have it as much as men do, but they do have it. Paying it forward allows others to be able to learn from our experiences and they can understand that they shouldn't be scared or worried. as long as a doctor has cleared you medically, and you have a way to be able to deal with it, and you can get the right equipment or the right supplies, you can deal with anything that you can come up with.

people that are incontinent deal with the situation they deal with, because that's all they know. It's just like me or others that have disabilities. I have cerebral palsy, and that's all I have known all my life, so I have been given a challenge, And I have to deal with it the best I can, and not be afraid of it, not scared to look in the eye and say OK what's going on. many times there have been nights when for example I know that something is important that happens in my life, like the night that I had to make a decision or whether I wanted to have life altering surgery to correct hip dysplasia, and I had to make the decision, because if I didn't and I let it go too much longer I would have dislocated hips and arthritis forever. that night I bit the bullet and said I have to do this, And I asked for support and I got it, it hurt like crazy, and it was a pain in the neck, and my parents had to help me up every night and take me to the bathroom for like 6 weeks at night, because I was unable to walk on my legs, but they were supportive. when you're dealing with a challenge, you always end up having to find ways to deal with it, and one thing that I've learned is you don't give up, and you always work hard. with incontinence, incontinence is something that I can't fight, And even if I wanted to, it doesn't make any sense, and it doesn't make sense to worry about it, you just deal with it, i've learned from special friends that it's no big deal, however it can be a very smelly and very uncomfortable experience sometimes, because you're not sure what it's gonna do when it's gonna happen or what you were release, but I've learned that you have to deal with all of these problems and if you can look it in the face and face it, it's easier to deal with. having diapers has made my life a lot better, because you don't have to lose the battle, because the diapers will help you win, and they help you In my case by leaving all the uncertainty in the diaper, because the diaper is there, and i'm glad I have it, because I don't have to worry anymore.

I'm also glad that when I ask my friends for example what they would think of me if I had to wear diapers, all of them said not a big deal but, because people do!  that made me feel like it didn't bother me as much as I thought it would. Most of the time when you end up dealing with a situation like this, you worry that someone is going to find out about something that is not exactly glamorous to deal with, and they'll try to tell you that you should be doing this or you should be doing that, because they're why you would decide to make diapers one of your treatment options, but that is one treatment option: in my case I don't think that my incontinence will get better, with my age it'll probably get worse, the only thing that I needed to realize is that doing it and going 24/7 now will make it easier when I have to go 24/7 because waiting would mean that I probably would have to now that I'm used to it it won't be so bad

I also have a lot of respect for people that have to deal with bladder or bowel incontinence, because they deal with a situation that can be very very comfortable for many, and they deal with it with a lot of care, Tact in Grace. They look at in the face and say OK let's do this, And they're not afraid to go in there and deal with it. That is what people need to realize, if you can figure out what's going on and have a way to deal with it, then it's easier to deal with, and you don't have to worry, and you don't have any sleepless nights or worries anymore, because the diaper is there. sometimes however, I wonder because people that don't understand incontinence sometimes sometimes don't understand that that feelings are also important, and diapers help me deal with those feelings as well. if both are under control, then there's no reason to worry, and all of the stress goes into the diaper and then in to a garbage can.

If you look at it that way, Incontinence is easy to deal with. If a person is dealing with bed wetting, then most of the problem is that a kid is dealing with a stigma that is bothering him, And if you know how to deal with that particular situation, and you're not afraid to allow the kid to be a kid, and be supportive, and where diapers as long as necessary, if that's what needs to happen, then the kid ends up getting more confident, because they're not worried that their parents are going to get after them because they wet the bed or they mess the bed, or their incontinent. I've seen situations where people are really upset because kids wet the bed, or maybe mess their bed, but if you have the right supports and your parents understand what's going on, they just end up thinking that it is normal, and it's something that they deal with as a normal part of growing up. if for some reason you continue to bed wet, then it may turn into incontinence at some point, if that's something that a doctor can diagnose. whatever You find out is the cause of incontinence or bed wetting, You should always remember that the kid should be allowed to be a kid, and you should be as supportive as possible, because a kid should not be traumatized, and that's part of the problem with potty training is that want their kids out of diapers so bad that they will put their kids in a position where they want their kid to start potty training and they want them to succeed, where I've seen happen where a kid back slides and can't complete party training because they're just scared that somebody's going to get after them, or that they're going to get picked on at school, And sometimes the best thing is to let the kid die wear diapers because that is important for them. It is not a kids fault that they're incontinent, and it's not a kid's fault that they wet the bed, or mess the bed. I've done it myself, and let me tell you it can be embarrassing, but incontinence is not worse than death, because you can't die from incontinence, you may die if you have some medical problem that blocks up one of your passages, or something happens that's toxic, but I've never heard of incontinence killing anyone. It's just someone's feeling that incontinence is really bad, and sometimes people have bad incontinence, but that's why people make the decision to either use medicine or in my case diapers, because it's easier to buy diapers and be able to get them if you have the right diagnosis, and if you have friends friends or family that understand your reasoning, then everyone is on the same page, and they understand why.

I'm really happy that I have the friends I have. all through school i've been having problems with certain issues, especially in certain subjects. one time I had so much trouble in school with a math test or not being able to do long division, that I had a friend of mine actually teach me how to do it, and no one else could teach me how to do it correctly! I don't know if it's because it just didn't register in my brain or if it's something by the way it was taught. Potty training is not different, if you're taught in a particular way that works for you, you might have to modify the way it is done so that a kid that is learning potty training does not want to back off because somebody scares the heck out of them. Diapers are not the enemy here, they are a tool that helps those that need it, and no one should think of incontinence as something that is worse than death, sure it is inconvenient and there's other things that go along with it, but incontinence is not the end of the world. what people have to understand about being incontinent is that control is not yours, and that's why you're wearing diapers, for one reason or another, you don't have control, and you need to be able to count on the fact that when you have to use the bathroom you can do it effectively. sometimes people don't have the control, or their downstairs plumbing doesn't work, or whatever is going on, or maybe they can't feel something down below because of a medical problem or a nerve disorder or something, everything that you can think of can possibly cause incontinence, but the thing is if you can take it in stride learn to deal with it and teach others to be tolerant of those that deal with it, you are more helpful to those that are going through the uncertainty, because you've been there. Many people might be scared of incontinence, but there's nothing to be scared of, people may be embarrassed, but there's nothing to be embarrassed about, it's just all the stigmas that everybody hears, and those stigmas put everybody in a situation where the stigma say that it's bad, well inconvenience is inconvenient, but it isn't bad If you know how to handle it! that is the main thing, being able to know how when and why you handle it the way you handle it is important. having an open mind and being able to be understanding and empathetic towards the situation.

Helping others understand incontinence or bed wetting, Will allow them to understand that it is not something that somebody wakes up and decides that they're going to start wetting their beds. young children go through this every time they go through potty training. Some people may end up having problems that cannot be solved simply by potty training them, and some of them have weak bladders, some of them may not have functioning plumbing, or plumbing that works properly, So they end up with dealing with all of the things that have been discussed. One of my main goals is to make sure that people understand that there should not be a stigma attached with being incontinent: as long as you can understand it, and have empathy for somebody that is dealing with it, then you may be able to understand what it is what it feels like to have to wear diapers all the time, or to have to get up in the middle of the night and change a diaper because you made a mess, or when you end up wearing a diaper, and you can finally get halfway decent night sleep, and you don't have to worry, see? That's what I mean, if a baby doesn't have to worry about messing or wetting Itself, because it doesn't have to deal with the stigma attached or get yelled at, Then they don't feel threatened, but some parents think that it's bad, so they try to make the kid feel bad. incontinence is not worse than death, but some parents make it feel like it is! being disabled, I am lucky because I understand what having that problem is like. all through my life i've had bouts of incontinence where I just couldn't control it,, And there's nothing I could do about it, but the good thing is when I was in rehab, most of the people I dealt with understood it and was able to help me relax and calm down, And part of that was by using diapers, even though I've had some crazy experiences dealing with it, but the most important thing is not to let it get you down, because incontinence and bed wetting issues happen to a lot of people, and you wouldn't be able to tell sometimes!

Most of my life I have had to deal with stigmas that have to do with problems that deal with my disability. people would call me a special Ed student, or what they would call a sped, or some other type of inappropriate comment that probably would have gotten me in trouble, but I always used to say that I may be a special person big deal, I'm a special to my family members and I'm special to my friends, and sometimes kids can be very very pathetic, and very mean. I have been very lucky in my life to have good friends that stood by me regardless of what happened, and as long as I can help those that need it understand that incontinence is nothing to fear and nothing to be afraid of, then maybe they will be able to understand that as long as they have incontinence, there is a way to deal with it, and you don't have to hide or worry that someone's gonna find out about it, and you don't have to change your life and go into hiding because of it. many of my friends take it and run with it, because they know it's something they can't control, and you have to be able to deal with it in some way. I have a lot of respect for people like that because they know what they must do and they do it every day. I'm very proud of those individuals that deal with it, and they have a way to deal with it properly in their own mind, because the most important thing is to put the incontinent person at ease, because if they're at ease then they can function better, if they're always worried about something happening, then they're going to be afraid and they're not going to be able to enjoy things. And continents should be something that happened, but incontinence shouldn't have you, because you have incontinence, and you have the tools that are necessary, they might be hard to get but they are available.

Respectfully,

Brian

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1 hour ago, John Davis said:

Brian, you nailed it.  And it is our challenge to pay it forward by providing as much support to others as we can.  Of course, that is not completely altruistic - by supporting others we ourselves gain so much emotionally.

--John

@John Davis:  Agree on your comment about "by supporting others we ourselves gain so much emotionally."  Some times each of us needs to let out some of the frustration or other emotions that hit while dealing with things....  This site can be productive in helping others and ourselves. 

I've been pleasantly surprised that Mikey's new board here is as active as it is.  Prior to this one, I haven't seen an active incontinence support board that wasn't a sub-site of a fetish board.  Other incontinence only boards don't get enough traffic and discussion.  OK, so most of us so far talking on this site are active on some of the other boards...  But here we can get to the point from just the incontinence view, while acknowledging other things that need to be said.  And I expect over time, more folks that wouldn't touch the fetish based sites will be willing to join in here.  I probably could have used a site like this several years ago.

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9 minutes ago, zzyzx said:

@John Davis:  Agree on your comment about "by supporting others we ourselves gain so much emotionally."  Some times each of us needs to let out some of the frustration or other emotions that hit while dealing with things....  This site can be productive in helping others and ourselves. 

I've been pleasantly surprised that Mikey's new board here is as active as it is.  Prior to this one, I haven't seen an active incontinence support board that wasn't a sub-site of a fetish board.  Other incontinence only boards don't get enough traffic and discussion.  OK, so most of us so far talking on this site are active on some of the other boards...  But here we can get to the point from just the incontinence view, while acknowledging other things that need to be said.  And I expect over time, more folks that wouldn't touch the fetish based sites will be willing to join in here.  I probably could have used a site like this several years ago.

@Incont:  Ok, Mikey.....  How do I edit a post?  Is that restricted till I get enough posts?  or something else.  I was going to go back and add a flag for your account above.....  But I only get the share and report options from the three dots right now...  Hmmm...  looks like time (or others viewing) may have an impact....  I can edit this one, but not the prior post.

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1 hour ago, zzyzx said:

@Incont:  Ok, Mikey.....  How do I edit a post?  Is that restricted till I get enough posts?  or something else.  I was going to go back and add a flag for your account above.....  But I only get the share and report options from the three dots right now...  Hmmm...  looks like time (or others viewing) may have an impact....  I can edit this one, but not the prior post.

Everyone is supposed to be able to edit their posts, but for some reason the software is being picky about what posts can be edited. I haven't figured out the issue yet.

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1 hour ago, Incont said:

Everyone is supposed to be able to edit their posts, but for some reason the software is being picky about what posts can be edited. I haven't figured out the issue yet.

I suspect it is others viewing or potentially replying that is blocking editing.  Now that you have replied to the message, it is now locked from being edited.

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@zzyzx @Incont

I'm sure that there is some sort of Gremlin in the system, And yes I can attest to the fact that for some reason after so much time has elapsed, there is a warning that comes up that says that you are no longer able to edit the post. The last time I saw something that acted similar to this was on daily diapers one day, when I was in the middle of editing a post, And for example Mikey had decided that he wanted to delete the thread entirely, so when I ended up pressing the post button, the post was already gone, and that's OK, because that to me is normal.

However I've never seen it where after so much time when you're trying to edit, The post is locked and unable to be edited period To me that makes no sense, because on daily diapers for example, people make mistakes and all you have to do is go up and hit the three dots and go to edit And you can edit that thing 100 times or more and it won't even give you that warning, but as Mikey has stated it's probably something that needs to be adjusted, and I'm sure that Mikey will be able to figure it out and be able to fix it, it just takes time, and each time you set up a new board, regardless of how good you are in your software, newer versions of software and new additions can make it a little bit hectic 'cause you're trying to learn your new system and how it works. Each new update comes can sometimes break others, so that can be an issue.

Brian

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On 4/8/2023 at 12:24 PM, John Davis said:

I am among several here who are fecal incontinent.  Those here are the "survivors" - those who have managed to cope with that form of incontinence.  Unfortunately, many have not and tend to isolate themselves from society and avoiding all social contact.

A few years back I was shocked to read a 2016 JAMA article that reported a survey of patients hospitalized with serious conditions who listed fecal incontinence as being a state worse than, or equal to, death.😱  Now, that was not a survey of the general public, but it does reflect the very negative attitutes toward bowel incontinence held by many.  Many newly FI are reported in medical studies to have had suicidal ideations.  It is unclear how many attempted suicide.

For myself, I admit that I had very negative views before actually becoming FI and learning to manage it somewhat effectively.

How do you think the public views fecal incontinence? For that matter, how does your family and relations view FI?

--John

You have to realize that study centered around older people who were not very mobile and were forced to use crappy medical grade diapers, or even just bed pads. They were completely new to this problem too, and hadn't figured out what works or not either. If I suddenltly had to live under those conditions I'd probably prefer death too.

And I do suffer from IBS-D. Combined with some previously removed hemorrhoids and a bleeding anal fissure, I can barely tell the difference from gas and liquid. I've mostly learned how to cope with it and stay on a regular bowel schedule though, so accidents are rare. But they do happen. Yet with using good diapers and a good diaper cover it's not that big of a deal any more.

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  • 1 month later...

Incontinence is often a reason why older people eventually end up in a nursing home. I think the combination of both can be very bad. In addition, the older you get, the more difficult it becomes with chirogic interventions that might still be able to fix something. In addition, many older people often have a bad medication, so that the medication is given with contraindications that promote incontinence.

If there is no relative who knows and asks, the things can be very bad for the affected person.

I think with us "younger ones" that is however still something else. I am always amazed at the extensive discussion about aids. Especially with fecal incontinence, the aid plays often a subordinate role. Of course there are exceptions - but the "usual" way to deal with fecal incontinence is actually bowel management and nutrition. 

I myself am also urinary and fecal incontinent - but I have fecal incontinence mor or less under control except for some annoying stool smearing. There are just two essential things that you have to pay attention to: On the one hand, you have to empty your bowels somehow in the morning, and on the other hand, the stool must always have a "normal" consistency.

The latter can be controlled relatively well through diet (fiber if too solid and flosamens if too thin). Of course, it also happens to me that I get unexpectedly thin stool and that is then quite a mess - no matter what I wear for aids but that is exactly why it is so important to keep these cases within limits.

I think it helps much more to deal with how to get a proper bowel management than frantically looking for aids that survive a load of diarrhea.

cu Michael

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