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i use a waterproof mattress pad that also is heated .. and i sleep on a bed pad

Definitely see that point, but some of the landing zone diapers have been a huge help to me. The Incontrol diapers are fantastic. Yes, I still struggle with the bottom tape and comfort, but the features they have and capacity has allowed me to have more ease of use, and freedom to change when it's convenient. I also have noticed I use fewer of them, and save money. I'd like to point out that i don't work for them, I just really appreciate their products. 😁 I think it's awesome they sponsored this site.

@Zombie_Turtle when I deal with people that know me very well, That some of them may think differently of me because of my incontinence. Surprisingly, every single person that I have dealt with regarding my incontinence diagnosis has been very supportive very understanding, and doesn't think any different of me because of me wearing diapers. several of them have told me that it doesn't make a difference, and they would help me if it was necessary. The problem is that some people think that wearing a diaper is almost like wearing something that is revealing or something, when it's not. people wear diapers because they don't have control or because they need them, And that is why they're wearing them. They wouldn't wear if they didn't need them. Whether or not they them because they want to wear them, or because of a psychological or comfort reason, that is the decision of the person wearing them. The most important thing that I can see is that everyone should understand that people wear diapers for a myriad of reasons, and we shouldn't be making a big deal out of it, because people do it. just like somebody May decide that they wear their pants,, they wear their socks, their shoes, a shirt, and they might not wear underwear with their pants. if that is the case, that is the decision of the person wearing their clothing.**** no man The only reason that I would be worried is if somebody was actively doing something that would that would draw negative attention to themselves or other people around them. Other than that, wearing diapers is no big deal, should not be a big deal, and that is the way it is. I've had friends that wear diapers and they've done it for years, and they need them and they have them for whatever reason, and people wear also for comfort reasons com and that is considered a need, so hopefully people understand the reason why they do it. even if they didn't, that is the right of the person that is wearing, as long as the person is doing it in an appropriate manner and an appropriate time and at an appropriate place. Medical professionals such as doctors nurses CNA's LNAS he does not have, or any other type of medical professional are professional, and they see it all the time, and if they make a comment about the fact that you're wearing, it would probably be in the scope of a medical question. Doctors and nurses and other people that work with patients have seen it over and over again, and I've seen it myself, and I've even asked Nurses about it, and they don't even bat an eyelash, they would just go in and with a skill and professionalism and tact and All that, they would take care of you, and they would show concern and be supportive of someone that is wearing for whatever reason. Medical professionals don't even bat an eyelash, so them seeing diapers is normal for them, the only reason that they would question it is if they were doing some sort of a medical exam, and they were asking regarding your health status because of a change in it, which is something that they may ask, when they do the check in. They might ask you if you have enough supplies, they might ask you if you're having an issue with this or that, and they make sure that you have what you need. So far I haven't gotten any pushback, but I don't give anyone an opportunity an opportunity to push: I have made the decision that I made because of my mental health my physical health my emotional health and everything else. far too often most of the time I'm ending up jumping up and going to the bathroom, and I'm continually doing it over and over and over again. when I end up losing so much sleep that it causes me a problem, I had to make the decision, when I ended up with incontinence, IBS and diverticulitis, I had to make the decision. I needed to do it for my own well being And the best thing I ever did was to make that decision. I am glad that every one that I deal with understands what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. for anyone else that doesn't understand, then they need to not worry about it, because I'm not doing anything wrong nor would I want to make them think I'm doing something wrong. that's why my medical diagnosis are exactly what they are, and they're in my medical records, so somebody doesn't question my need for diapers, in fact they may end up offering them. Brian

im in Denver CO.lived all over but loving it up here

@Scarth the problem with people who think that just because we can stay dry in the daytime we can stay dry at night is that they don't understand that sometimes our bladders don't work the way they think they should. part of the reason why people think that way is because they think that being dry in a day means that you're dry at night, which is obviously not the truth. my brothers ended up having problems with bed wetting all the way up until possibly age 5 at the latest, And even my my brother that is three years younger than me had an issue with bedwetting. So it can happen to anyone, And that's what people have to understand, You can say dry during the day and have problems at night, and sometimes wearing protection at night is a lot better than having a wet bed, or not being able to get enough sleep. That is part of the problem, if you're constantly getting up and having to go to the bathroom all the time, you miss the opportunity to get some shut eye. @John Davis I would agree! i'd also like to point out that wearing diapers is a hell of a lot more comfortable than having wet pants, wet beds, wet anything else that you're sitting on or in. At least with a diaper, whatever you're releasing is held, and hopefully does not end up going all over your bed, And that's why you would need to have a pair of plastic pants over the top or a trifecta diaper cover. Brian

@Scarth what I don't like about some diapers is the fact that in my mind, you have to have a good diaper that's quality, And you also have to make sure that the diaper has good tabs and a way to attach together so that it does not cause you a problem. They always say that these diapers have the refashionable tabs, but basically what it is, is any diaper that is not a megamax for example, comes in two pieces, you end up taking both pieces off and then you're apparently going to stick the diaper tab in one position, then you take off the blue tab at the end, and apparently you can put it anywhere, but to me that is not refashionable, because that can rip the diaper and cause a problem because the tape also can get mucked up And then you have a problem. I remember using north shore supremes, and they were awesome, but the problem also can be that the tapes are not as wide, and anything that you want to use for a diaper should have good quality tapes, wide enough to be able to stick and stay stuck. megamax has the landing zone, and that's helped me Because with the landing zone at least you can stick the tape on the right place. many times if you don't have a landing zone, what happens is you end up sticking the tape to anywhere on the diaper, and the tapes are sticky enough so that so that when you stick them down they're like sticking super glue together, and that isn't coming off! I also agree that it's good that we have a selection in the diaper market now. I still wonder if you're here you're here Diaper companies will give us better choices without having to go to the next level, because the cheapest diapers don't actually do anything and they're not worthy of being called diapers, they're just dribblers, or bounty paper towels as I keep saying. The best thing to do is to have a good selection, because as has been stated everybody doesn't have the same body mechanics, everybody doesn't have the same frame, and what happens is diapers fit everyone differently, so it's always good to have a good selection, and one of the things that is important is that whatever selection we have, that it is a quality selection rather than just something made just to get by. Brian

And this is what is great about the diaper market now .. we all have different bodys and its great that we have a selection now, what works for some might not for others

Great attitude! and good rule of thumb. Same here.

i think its a case by case thing .. and a balance if quality of life and the amount of stress trying to stay dry gets you, not that i discourage anyone who its tring .. i try to control my bowel as much as i can.

Count me in on the no lading zoners for the reasons given above .. they leak on me so much more when the diaper is not that wet

i think we all work up a lot of anxiety about how others will react or judge us making it a much bigger deal in our heads. for me its a fear of being made fun of as a kid still in diapers or still wetting the bed. that did happen a few times but i worried about it all the time. Getting over that can be hard but. at this point in my life i really dont care what others think of how i manage my incon. and dont feel any need to tell people that normally wouldn't see me in my underwear

I live in SE Ohio

I'm from Connecticut

I live in the northeast, in central Vermont area, in a city called Barre, which is split into two sections. There is a Barre City, where I live, And there's also a town of Barre. I started my school career for example in the city called, And then when I finished third grade, they found that the town school was better set up for my disabilities and my needs, so my parents started sending me there. this is called the granite capital of the world because we deal with so much different types of granite. I'm not sure how the granite industry is doing nowadays, but I am assuming the pandemic did a lot of damage to businesses, but hopefully they all come back. Vermont is known for its maple syrup and for its teddy bears and for its forests and whole bunch of other different things. I'm sure that where @Incont is there are places that he can go, that may be special to him, but I always Was enjoying camping and just hanging out with my friends, and just letting you mind relax and just not worry about things. sometimes I think that we forget We all need to be able to take a step back and realize what we have and what we need, not worrying about what we don't have or worrying about things that we can't change. The reason why this is this is important is because if you worry about things you cannot change, you worry yourself into a situation where you go crazy and then you think there is a problem and you're trying to solve it, and you have to be able to stay calm and level headed to be able to solve it. I've learned strategies to be able to deal with situations that are and do come up every day! I noticed that when I'm wearing diapers for example, that I don't have to worry about 'cause I have the right equipment to take care of it, and I have also that ability ability to use it. I've also changed my body that it is OK to do it, and because I'm wearing a diaper, I don't feel as nervous as I was, because when I release when I'm holding, I always think of that as all the stress in the bad stuff that you get rid of, because what you are releasing may smell bad and doesn't belong in your body, so you want to get rid of it. When you have stress and worries and everything else, the best way I can think of it is that when you use your diaper, you are getting rid of whatever you don't need, And there are certain things that happen with your stomach so you end up with a lot of pain. Once you get rid of the pain you feel a lot better, you get rid of the pain, you get rid of the stuff you don't need, and that is done by changing the diaper and cleaning yourself up. Sometimes I wish I could go somewhere where there's a bunch of different awesome things like trees and birds, and a whole bunch of animals that were really nice and ones that you can be friends with or something like that. or a place where I can go fishing, and be able to catch fish, or just be able have fun in the water and enjoy time with my friends. i've met a lot of people online and daily diapers Is no exception to this, and I'm sure I will meet a lot of people on incont.org once we get the chat system online, which is online, but then we have to have the users, and then Mike will have to decide who will help him with the chat system over here.' I always liked summer! The reason I do is because I am in disabled man who doesn't get out very much in the winter, and when I get out, I just basically bored a bus or a get in a car and go somewhere. it's basically get up get in the vehicle drive out drive back. in the summer also you can go almost anywhere, and you can do almost anything 'cause you're not dealing with the snow, and you're not dealing with extreme cold, And it's really easy to move around. You trade the cold for the heat, and you just have to learn how to deal with it. over the years I have had to deal with air conditioning because it gets so hot you can't even deal with it sometimes in my asthma activates. I also like summer because we would go someplace and have fun with friends or family, or just hang out and be ourselves and laugh and have a good time. I still have this feeling, so much so that I wrote a story over on daily diapers that is a dream of what I wish would happen, at some sort of summer resort! not sure that any resort does this kind of stuff that I'm dreaming of And I know that's not gonna happen, but it's always good to have a story that you can have and you can expand on. I always like the summer because of all the things you can see, and the heat, and the wind, and everything else that deals with summer. i've been in alabama and Tallahassee, So I know that there is a definite difference between the northern I just told him US and the southern US. specifically I should say the northeast and the southeast. I've learned that in Vermont, the wind is different, it may be cold, but after you get down to Florida, you are originally think that the weather is gonna be nice, the air feels good, and you just think you can stay out in the sun and have fun! wrong! because you have to make make sure you're not out in the sun too long or you burn like a cinder. I wonder sometimes how it is to live in the south during the winter months like say January to April. I think I stayed in Tallahassee the second time almost until whoops Easter, but I missed the northeast and wanted to come home. When you go down South and you deal with a difference in the weather, you think Oh my god this is really nice. Sometimes I wonder if I should move, but I like Vermont. I guess I'm just an old guy that likes where he is, because of the memories that he has of all the fun that we have. it is my hope that I have something fun to do this summer Of course! Brian

South central Utah.

Northeast Pennsylvania just outside of Wilkes-Barre.

Yes, insurance companies do require proof of medical need. Though that need can be physical, neurological, or even just mental. So long as it's verified by a doctor, physicial, or psychologist.

Does anybody else remember the old Attends 10 with waistbands? Those were the best for fit and conforming. You could readjust those tapes a half-dozen times if needed, and there was no landing zone, just a strong enough shell. And they had 3 tapes per side so the fit was always incredible, and they never sagged. The fact modern diapers lack those features is what I hate. If we had that combined with modern absorbency and leak guards they would be unbeatable.

Just like Slomo and John said the ability to put tapes where they conform to the body makes sense to me. I love Betterdry for the fit and they have never leaked on me likely because of this, but they landing zone is super helpful for me when i am changing and my depth perception is off. Being able to position and then fix my mistake is super useful. I made no landing zone diapers work by putting a piece of packing tape across the front of my diaper in line with the top tape. This also helps it from stretching and sagging. Since I have experienced the super capacity diapers I am hooked. All that extra padding, elastic, and lining makes them so comfortable. It's probably a trade off where I should be getting a better seal but rely on all that extra capacity....maybe. I also found the tape guides on the InControl diapers to be soooo dang helpful. Hand/eye coordination and vision issues have caused me to wreck diapers trying to get them on straight. Tape guides are easy. I have even pre-drawn my own on Abenas when I used them. Sometimes its an issue other times not so much, but when I am in a flare and just can't do it for the life of me i'm really happy to have products that are easy to use, and allow for adjustments.

Ah, that may be contributing to your leaking too. Boosters are fine, but you have to make sure they aren't too thick or wide. Because of the leak barriers. They need to rest on you skin, otherwise any wetness can run right past them before it has a chance to be absorbed.

I dislike diapers with tape landing zones😟 for the reasons discussed above. Landing zones require the tapes to be where they limit our ability to position them optimally for our personal shapes. For example, try MegaMax and then try MegaMax Air, the breathable version of the diaper without a tape landing zone. I can position the tapes optimally on the MegaMax Air and have fewer leaks than with the MegaMax with the landing zone.

@Slomo: Thank you for this comment on tape landing zone and lower tapes. The next time I try a Northshore Megamax on I'm going to have to look at this. Even with two Northshore boosters I can end up leaking at the legs -- probably due in part to a poor seal, from what you mention. Interesting. I've had a better luck on the last vacation using Tykables blue camies. First, it was easier to gain the needed access during the day to use the restroom when needed without using or wrecking the diaper. Second, I think I get a better seal through the legs. Up till now I was thinking both the Megamax ans the Cammie should work similar, and both ted to work with a high capacity stuffer in front. But I shouldn't need that much.... Now I think I could get away with an old style (6 tape) attends or depends with the Tykables high capacity stuffer in front.... I'll have to give that a try when I find an older depends still around stuffed in an out of the way place cause they didn't work..... Hmmm....

Yeah... If it were to wrap around to the front a few inches more it may not be right at my leg crease, and yes if I size up it seem way too big. I also get a good fit out of the Betterdrys, but man! they just are not as comfortable or thick as the Incontrols. The "lower" tapes on them seem to be the least bothersome of the bunch i've tried. maybe it just fit's me better.

Yes. I sort of had that exact same problem, but I need to explain the actual problem you're also experiencing. Just my observations here; Nearly every diaper that has a tape landing zone will also have what I call a "no lower tapes design". This means if you look at the back wings, one tape will be near the center, with the other tape near the top. There literally are no lower tapes. This shift up in tape positioning is need to land the "lowest" tapes on the landing zone, which never extends down far enough. So, in order for these diapers to get a good enough seal around the legs they are purposely undersized. For some this equals a good (albeit snug) fit. For others, like me, it means the legs will always be too tight. And in both cases the rise of the diaper always comes up short, though it seems some also prefer it. Usually just extending up to ones hips or belt line, but never up to the waist (near the belly button) like they really need to be. When I try going up to the next size the rise of the diaper is good, and there is also some room all around in the diaper too. Which is needed for sap expansion- otherwise you may end up with the diaper splitting open after it has absorbed enough. Except now the diaper will also be too loose around the legs. Guaranteeing it will leak on me long before ever reaching even half it's expected absorption amount. So that's not an option for me either. In short, they are all too tight around my legs, with not enough rise or room for expansion. Or, they are all too loose around my legs, with the proper amount of rise and room I need. My only solution was to use a different diaper that doesn't have a tape landing zone. Which really just comes down to my body shape needing a compatibly shaped diaper. And right now that's the Betterdry/Crinklz lineup. Again though, that no lower tapes design does work for others, perfectly even. Just not for you or I.

At night I wear a Better Dry with a highly absorbent booster pad rated at 1,000 ml. So, with Better dry rated at 5,300 plus the booster pad, that is 6,300 total capacity (the same as a Megamax unboosted). With that absorbency I wake up with the diaper not having leaked or having slightly leaked but that caught by my plastic pants. --John

Because this forum is specifically discuss incontinence and the ways we live with it deal with it, treat it, use differing products, Or just to support one another, I am posting my journey to incontinence here. i've been disabled all my life and I was trained early, I ended up spending a lot of time in pediatric rehab centers, which probably made my incontinence worse, because, because they expected us to wear diapers and use them rather than to use the bathroom. the story below chronicles my journey to incontinence, and how I was able to accept it. One of the things that I always tell people is that incontinence is nothing to fear, it should be embraced and dealt with in an appropriate manner that makes sense to you. in these forms, we won't have to worry about desires, or ways to become incontinent, we will deal with how you deal with it. As such, I have removed some of the some of the information from the original posting this came from from daily diapers, as it does not have any reason to be there. This is just the story of how I became incontinent, And my struggles as a young kid and a young man as I grew up, and always had the feelings and the desires and everything else, And then when incontinence hit me at 46, then I was able to use diapers to be able to deal with it. People ask me what it's like to be incontinent: Incontinence is basically the inability to control your bladder or bowels, and it can be can be in varying levels of severity. for me, being incontinent is similar to what would happen if you had a 2 year old that was potty training and still wearing diapers, and then the kid is loaded up with a lot of liquid, and eventually the kid the kid can't hold it, and will explode and fill the diaper! That is the way it feels to me, once it starts I can't stop it until I empty all the way out, and people wonder how that is. For me, being incontinent is something that I embrace because I feel the need to be able to deal with it that way. in addition to being incontinent, diapers help me and many other ways to keep my sanity my security and Also protect me from having accidents and also from crazy things on the outside. Incontinence is not a game, And when people tell me that they want to become incontinent, and they want to find out how to do it, I always have to tell people that once you get ready, and make the decision to go 24/7 in diapers, that means 24/7 365 days a year, no stops no brakes, And it also means that you need to be able to change your lifestyle to make the appropriate changes so that you can accommodate wearing diapers. it is not all fun and games or all roses, it can stink and it can be a pain in the neck, that deal with incontinence on a daily basis have learned to deal with those particular issues, and we know what it is like to be incontinent,, and we know that it can be a pain, and it can be a drag sometimes, and people make decisions on how they want to handle it. the main thing is that there are times when not having the ability to control your bladder or bowels can be a detriment, but you always try to find a positive within a negative. It is my hope that this community can be an extension of things that we know about incontinence and how to deal with it. since we are dealing with a medical condition here, there are many things that we can do to help each other as we end up going through our journey. being a support system is very helpful and very important because there are going to be people who are going to run into the problem of incontinence, and they may be scared and they may not know where to go or how to deal with it, or how to even bring it up. it's my hope that this particular board can help those people that are dealing with incontinence to find strategies to be able to deal with it all the way around. CHILDHOOD ( 1-8 ish) I guess you could say that my journey began when I was a young child. From the time I was about one until the time I was eight, my mom took care of two children. Myself, always three years younger than my brother Richard. Richard was severely disabled as a result of an automobile accident. As a result Of this, he was Non-mobile, nonverbal, and had to be taken care of like a baby. My mom, taking care of me and Richard, what’s the change and inordinate amount of diapers, because from the time that I was a young baby until I got out of diapers, that was one thing she dealt with, and then of course my brother wore diapers from the time he was born until 1979, when he tragically died as a result of aspirating on his uvula I believe. We moved from our first house in the country when I was approximately four years old. After this happened, my brother started going to an impatient facility that was designed to help him, and he took care of him in this facility from The time I was four until the time he died at 10 years old. Throughout this whole entire time, my mom would still be changing his diapers, when he would come home for the weekend, and still have supplies around to take care of him. On a couple or more occasions, I would sneak his diapers, and then try to put them on, and I found that they felt good, and made me feel good. Throughout my young childhood, this was something that I always will remember, and thought to myself “something isn’t right here, I like this“. One time, my mom caught me wearing one of my brothers diapers, are trying to put one on. I told my mom the truth that it felt good, and she said “did you like it“, and then I said yes I did. She then told me that that wasn’t a good idea, took the diaper away, and that was the end of that. Throughout the rest of my childhood from about nine until I was about 15, I would still have urges like this, but I was able to control them. Even when I had my younger brothers that were in diapers I would be able to control these urges, and I kept on thinking to myself “this is wrong, but I don’t understand why I feel good“. PEDIATRIC REHAB STINTS: Long term diapering begins, And the real horrors begin Between those times when I was about six years old, I spent two stints, in pediatric rehab 75 miles away from my home in Barre Vermont. They sent me there because they wanted me to be able to have full-time therapy, and be able to have it every day, and have it be continuous for a longer period of time, thinking that it would help me get stronger. In order to get me to go there, one of the representatives of this place, called the Vermont achievement Center in Rutland Vermont, told me that I would be able to swim every day, and made it sound like Club Med, where I could get personalized attention, and be able to swim every day play basketball, have fun with kids my own age, and deal With what I deal with as my disability, while meeting others that have disabilities of varying severity, and I would be able to make friends and help them. Of course, the fantasy was nowhere near like the reality of what I dealt with. They took good care of me, they made sure I had my therapy, and they helped me in school. The downside was that I was taken out of my local school, and I was schooled 75 miles away from my classmates, my friends, my community, and I was out of the water, and I didn’t know where the hell I was. I was told what to do, I was ordered to do things, and then they ended up getting mean when we didn’t want to do something. On several occasions, they were making food that I could not stand, that I did not eat normally, and I was force-fed things that would make me sick. I didn’t like runny eggs, I didn’t like fried eggs, and there’s certain foods that would make me sick. However, they insisted. If being disabled wasn’t bad enough, being six years old wasn’t bad enough, these people sometimes had no compassion, and they would deal with you like a bratty two-year-old who says no, and then screams bloody murder: they would decide to take me, built me into my own manual wheelchair, put my support tray on, and then make it impossible for me to escape, and then they would force-feed me whatever I would not eat. When I got sick, they just got mad and the next day they would do the same thing. I had to call my father on a few occasions to get these guys to stop doing this, and they were even threatening me with retaliation if I didn’t “shut up and do as they said“ and by retaliation, I meant that they would find what I was afraid of, and use that against me. They found out what exactly I was afraid Of, and then they turned around and use it against me. I was deathly afraid of the fire alarm: the sound just scared the hell out of me, not only because I was afraid of the fire, but the fact that the fire alarm rings indicates that we must leave the building, so I was scared to death in the first place that I would probably burn up in the building, so they would use that particular fear against me to shut me up or make me comply. Not only that, but they would use the old “you have to do this“ and “you need to do this“ reasons, so I would not have a choice when they would tell me that I needed to do something or they wanted me to do something. Technically, it was them who wanted me to do something, but I didn’t need to do it, but they didn’t ask me, they would basically give me 30 seconds to a minute to comply, and then outcomes all of the gorillas trying to force you into doing it. One day when I refused to eat whatever they were serving, And after I had requested specific meals be given me, that I would eat every single time without giving them any problem, these idiots I believe tried to use a high chair to hold me, and then they would try to force feed me what they wanted me to eat. They would make fun of me because I didn’t want to eat it, and they would keep shoveling it in – after I vehemently opposed this treatment, and reported it to A supervisor, they got sick of me, and asked me to leave the room. When I tried to leave on my own power, the assholes wound me up took me to one end of the hallway and told me “if you don’t want to do as you’re told and you don’t want to eat, go to your room now”! And then they pushed me as hard as they could. I sail down the hallway and almost crashed head-on into several metal chairs, a glass table, and Bank of windows. Once I was able to regain control of my wheelchair which was flying out of control, and I ripped skin off of my hands trying to stop this ridiculousness, I yelled “you assholes are fucking dead“ or something to that effect, and I slammed my door as hard as I could. Everybody comes running down the hall, and they start yelling at me, and start saying that I was “inappropriate“ and I shouldn’t of used that language. That I said “you guys didn’t listen to me when I told you I couldn’t eat the stuff, And you wouldn’t listen to me when I told you I was afraid of the stupid fire alarm, but you use that against me, you always tell me what to do, you’re always being mean to me, and I’m sick of it. I have choices around here and you will honor them.” I basically told them that I was not going to come out of my room unless until either my father is called and I can talk to him, or he comes down to see me, and we clean house and get rid of these ridiculous many idiots that don’t understand, or they capitulate to my demands which are very easy, and they deal with it. So, my father was called: these people were telling my father all the things I said: he said that I shouldn’t have said some of the words I said, but he asked “what are you doing to my son that he would be acting like this“ and when they told him some of the things that they were doing, they neglected to say what they had done to me by sticking me under a fire alarm, or pushing me down the hallway and incredibly fast speed and almost crashing me into stationary objects. They told him that I would not eat, and that they were force-feeding me, because they were worried about me.“. My dad was furious, and asked him “what the hell are you feeding him that he won’t eat it“ and I told him that they were feeding me eggs and a whole bunch of things that my dad knows that I wouldn’t eat because that is not the type of food I. My dad told them what I would eat, and that if they were to do that and provide me those particular foods, that I would be more understanding, and I would probably do what they said. I also told my dad that I had requested A shower, and a radio at night, because I’m bored, I’m home sick, and I wanna go home but these idiots won’t let me, and they keep treating me like trash.. Dad told me he understood, and had a discussion with these “idiots” and told them and no one certain terms that I was not to be treated this way, and that I was to be given choices. I told my dad that I would do everything that they asked me to do provided they spoke to me as if I was a lot older than they thought I was, and they gave me plenty of warning, and they let me know what they wanted me to do without yelling at me, scaring me, or giving up on me and just walking off in a half. Told my dad that this place is scary, and the people here are nice, but I’m scared to death that I’m not going to get some thing that I need, or they’re going to force me. Not only that, but then the worst thing happened, and because I was disabled, going into a rehab facility, they encouraged me to use my wheelchair 24 hours a day, when I’m not in therapy. This also meant that I could not go to the bathroom as often as I would normally, and I started having accidents both ways. Then came the THICK PAMPERS - and I was put into them quote because it would be easier for them and more comfortable for you“. In actuality, they did not want me to be getting out of bed, even though I could walk when I walked in there, and I could get into bed very easily and get out without hurting myself, and I showed an individual dish. They still frowned upon it, so for most of the time that I was in the rehab facility in both situations, I was wheelchair-bound, sometimes force-fed, Diapered, and they just did it because that was the easiest way to deal with me. To say the least, I was surprised that I did not have to be re-potty trained because what they do in a rehab facility for pediatrics is probably stick everyone in diapers, similar to what they would do for an elderly person who is in a nursing facility. and then I had to deal with school anxiety: I couldn’t get my work done, my teacher wasn’t around, and everybody was forcing me to do work that I didn’t understand. I finally had enough of this, and I said and no one certain terms “get my teacher down here right now, because I’m not doing any more work until I see him or at least five of my friends, because this to me is not fun, and I’m not learning anything“ I was so mad, because most of the time it is so hard to go through school and have to deal with a disability and have people who are trying to help you, but don’t really know how to help you or what to do to help you, and while I needed to go to the pediatric rehab centers, I needed to be able to see my teacher: I was 70 miles away, I wasn’t interacting with any of my friends, and I was missing my family which is making it almost as bad as if I was in “baby jail“ so for 14 weeks of my life, I was wheelchair-bound “diapered, force-fed, and basically treated like I didn’t have a brain and I was an invalid. During this time, I think that was part of the reason why I became a diaper lover, because that’s what I wore, and that was “acceptable“ because we were young kids and they didn’t want to take us to the bathroom. I even had my friend tell me horror stories of bad things that happened in there, and I’m glad that I got out when I did, but I still have trauma from that stay, but I guess The only thing that helped me through this entire episode, was the fact that my diapers never let me down, and certain individuals who took care of me, make sure that I was clean, dry, happy, and I was able to enjoy going outside. I remember one thing quite fondly because there was a playground that was at the other end of the facility, which was approximately four wings away from the therapy unit. Because this was a specialized unit for people that were disabled, they had all of the specialized equipment to take care of anybody from birth almost all the way up to adulthood. This was considered the “unit“ and it was residential. Anybody that needed long-term care was sent here, and was dealt with like you were in a hospital. There were good times there, but to me most of them were bad. Now, back to the thing I was talking about before, and that is that we found a playground at the other end of the facility. This playground with specialized in that allowed people that we’re totally disabled the ability to do things that kids that aren’t disabled could do. By this I mean, they can use the monkey bars, ride to Merry go round, or go on the swings, or other types of activities. because I was disabled, I cannot use a normal swing that is like either a swing seat or a wooden seat. When I was a kid, I had my own swing, and I would go with my dad outside, and he would put me in the swing, and be with me all the time, so it wouldn’t matter if I fell off because he would catch me. When you’re in a rehab facility like this, and you have people that are profoundly disabled, or maybe even just severely disabled, you try to find ways to allow kids to enjoy those type of activities. So, some genius came up with the idea that all kids should be able to use the swings colon to that end, they reinforced about five different swings on a swingset: what they would do is they would take regular car seats, that are used for babies, and they would make them big enough for people as all that is like 15 to be able to sit in, and they would be dealt it in like you would be if you were a baby in a car seat. You wouldn’t be going anywhere in a car, but when you are fully restrained in this seat, you are then able to be pushed by a person behind you that is in a standing position, and you are able to enjoy the swings without hurting yourself, or having you fall out. They set me up in one of these special swings, and I had Fun doing this, because I couldn’t go anywhere, I couldn’t fall out, and the only thing I had to make sure of was that I wasn’t sick. Because of the things that they were able to do at Vermont Achievement Center, I was able to enjoy some of the activities that my peers that were non-disabled were able to enjoy, and I always had fond memories of my brother, because he lived in the facility that was down the street. I kind of wish that we could’ve brought him to VAC, And set him up in a car seat like that, and allow him and I do actually enjoy swinging. Although, this did not happen because my brother died in April 1979, so he did not get to enjoy this. FAMILY PHILOSOPHY our family philosophy was easy: allow the kids to live the best life they can, and deal with it as it comes. My brother because of his disability wore diapers all of his life, and because most of the people that took care of me understood this, and my grandparents dealt with a disabled daughter, this was common place, and wearing diapers was no big deal. I can’t tell you the number of times that I had an accident, and they were just say “no problem Brian will take care of you“ and it was done, and there was no Bad feelings or anything like this. However, as I grew older, sometimes I would have their “feelings come back really strong“ and there was no real way for me to deal with it appropriately. A couple times I even stole some diapers so that I could attempt to do what I did when I was eight years old. I don’t know why I felt that way, but I knew for some reason I like them and that my feelings were always be there, but I didn’t know if it was OK to feel that way. QUESTIONING WHY I WAS FEELING THIS WAY so for years, I would suppress that feeling, and I wouldn’t allow my body to act on it. That changed somewhat when I turned 23, in 1995. When I moved out on my own, I would eventually be able to get baby diapers, and be able to “indulge“ in some of the things that I thought were taboo, or bad, or things that you don’t do. I don’t know why it felt so good, but every once in a while the drive was in surmountable, and I had to act on it. I’m not sure why diapers felt good, I don’t know why I felt guilty because I did that, but it was just something that was in my head. One day, I was searching the Internet and found other sites that dealt with infantilism, and what that meant, and found that adults wearing diapers was more common than I imagined. I knew that disabled wore them, and I knew that some adults wore them because they had no control, but I had no idea that they were anyone that would be considered a “adult baby“ or “a diaper lover“. During the search, I found this site, daily diapers, and I don’t know if that was when I was closer to 30, because I’m not even sure if it was around when it happened. I then found out that there were people that liked wearing diapers, and that it made them feel good, and that it was not uncommon. I also found the door people who like to dress up as girls, or like to be or pretend to be baby girls, and the whole list: I knew now that I was not “Weird“ or “strange“ or “broken“, but that something had been validated in my head, letting me know that I was not crazy. This started me on the journey that began when I was 23. From about 24 until 46, I would have these urges, and then be able to deal with them. Sometimes I would go down and I would get adult diapers, and before adult diapers were available in stores, I would eventually pick up a couple packages of baby diapers, and allow myself to indulge and take care of the “urges” that my current diapers help me to deal with today. I didn’t advertise that I felt this way, and I kept it under wraps, because I was Evelyn Dellcerro would tell me, They would think something was wrong with you and want to “send you away” I did not want this to happen, and I don’t know why I felt the way I did, but I tried my best to keep that at bay. I was successful, but I knew that having cerebral palsy, that eventually I may end up being in a position where I would need to use them again. STRUGGLES WITH INCONTINENCE AND FEELINGS Skip ahead to June 2019: for some reason, I had a flareup of IBS and a diagnosis of diverticulitis. This started as a severe, and very annoying case of diarrhea that was really runny. This means that I was running to the bathroom every few minutes, or I’d fill my pants. For some reason, my diverticulitis and my IBS were working overtime, and we’re causing me no end of trouble. If it wasn’t for the fact that I would be woken up at ungodly hours of the morning, For example say I have to go to the bathroom at say 9 PM. I go in there, and then I sit there for 15 minutes: I do my business, and then I walk back out, and then try to go back to sleep. 15 minutes later, I would be back up in the bathroom, and end up continuing what I started, and this would continue for a 15 minute intervals all night long, or until I was able to get rid of what was causing the issue. This would result in some mornings where I would get up at 11 PM, and then would not be able to get back in bed until one in the morning. I then would run into a situation where I would be sitting in my chair, and I would feel the need to go, and I would think I have to get up to go number two, and just as I said I have to… It would already happen, I would already have matched my pants, and I would not be able to complete transit from my recliner to the bathroom. This continue to happen 10 or 15 times in a row, and I just got sick of it and had to deal with it. And then, when that was over with, there were times when I would be sitting in bed, and I would have a tranquility ATN on. I would use it to go number one, and then when I’m done change the diaper. I would then end up having an accident in the diaper, or I wouldn’t be able to change it fast enough, and I would have a mess in my bed. At that point, I got sick of it, called my doctor, had an appointment made, and told him that I wanted him to prescribe me diapers, he praised me for having the courage and the guts to come to tell him that, prescribe me the prevail air diapers, which only used the cheapest stuff possible, and then after two weeks I ended up asking him for The best diapers available, which were the mega maxes, and that was granted, and the state agreed with me. FATE, AND MY DECISION TO USE DIAPERS TO DEAL WITH INCONTINENCE AND MY FEELINGS So in June 2019, all of these weird things culminated in me finally deciding that in August 2019, that I’ve had enough, and I asked him for diapers. After about two months of using the cheapest available, I was able to convince the state that I needed plastic bag diapers, telling them what they were giving me was not considered a “diaper” and that I will told them to go to rears.ca and other particular Adult diaper website to tell them and show them what the actual adult diaper was. Because this was not cutting it, and I was not dealing with this well. Not only that, but in August, I had my doctor physically write in my medical records my diagnoses, so that no one would be able to tell me that I was not incontinent both directions. This is similar to enthusi, did with his doctor. now, nobody messes with that: they understand that I’m incontinent, and even when I was dealing with my own feelings about whether I had made the right choice, I had a long discussion with my Quetion nature, and she told me that “there was nothing for me to worry about don’t worry about it, it’s common, it happens, you need them, you’ll get them“ this case manager that I’ve had is like a Florence Nightingale, like a angel in disguise, a lady that really understands what is going on, and can make things happen within her means. I couldn’t have done this without her, and I feel as if I am “complete now“. There were nights that I would wait like a week and worry about what the heck I was dealing with, or whether somebody was thinking I was crazy. In 2020, I made the final decision to go 24 seven, and that was because I was worrying about everything under the sun, and I needed to unwind, and re-prioritize what I need to worry about. Incontinence was not one thing that I would need to worry about, so long as I had the right stuff to deal with it. I was also dealing with extreme stress and I lost several of my friends, or I hadn’t seen my family for a long long long time. When I finally came to the realization that diapers were the right choice, I told my father and told him that I was having problems, and I asked what he thought of it, and he said “don’t worry about it bud if you need them, it’s understandable, and so your stepmother also agrees“ EPILOUGE: My Diapers are here to stay for the epilogue: I am still wearing diapers, and I believe that wearing them 24 hours a day seven days a week is the best thing for me. I don’t even worry anymore, because if I need to wet, or I need to mess, I have the ability to do it. It took me so long to get here, and it took me so long to understand what it is that I was trying to deal with, but I finally was able to accept it as part of what makes me myself. I got tired of wet Pants, beds, messy pants or beds, or just the fact that my body sometimes decides that it’s gonna happen whether I’m ready for it or not. It only took me a few shots, but now if I need to, I am not worried about messing myself, because the diaper is there for that reason, and each time that I have a flareup or a problem, I say “that’s why I have the diapers” and I’m so damn glad that I have them now. I am not sure what would’ve happened if I had not made that choice: I want to be safe, I want to be happy: and I am: it kinda reminds me of having an extreme shot of adrenaline, or some thing that makes me feel really really really good inside. Now, I could put myself in a diaper, or someone could help me, and I don’t feel guilty, are used to feel the guilt all the time, because I figured that there was something that was going on, and I wasn’t sure why I felt that way, but I realized that I am wired the way I am, and there’s nothing that’s going to change that. As long as I do what I do and do it in appropriate manner, I have nothing to fear: I just got sick of having to hide what the true me was, and I had to work through it to determine what I actually felt, but now I feel as if I know what it is, and that is why I am here. Friends like you are easy to make, because you understand what it is that we go through, and because of your own journey it makes it easier for me to continue on my own. (Consolidated from @Beccathelittle's thread - Added April 22, 2022 @15:25 EDT) update on my training: I’ve been 24 seven ever since The beginning of 2020. There are times when I end up having a lot of wet accidents, and then there are times where I just have a few BM’s. Yesterday, I ate dinner and then I ended up having a blowout which I had to deal with, but I’m glad that I have the diaper, because that helps me immensely. You may have to clean it up, but at least having a diaper on keeps that stuff at bay. I don’t know if my stomach has been causing some of this issue, because every few minutes it makes funny noises, like it’s digesting something which is normal, but I still wonder sometimes if my stomach is screwed up because of something else. Last night it came so fast I couldn’t stop it and then it made me cramp up and then Force eject. i’ve noticed that most times my pee, feels like either it comes out slow and then moderate, and then other times it comes out real fast. What happens is as it starts to burn then it hurts quote then it just opens up and it feels like a river exploding in my pants. This is exactly what I want as far as being able to release, but I hope that if I have my bladder drain out that fast, hopefully I don’t flood the diaper out: I’ve done that before he he ? If I haven’t said it before I’ll say it again: diapers of save my life, and I love them a lot: when you can’t sleep some nights or you’re in pain, a diaper is like an angel because you can use it and then change it out. It’s pretty cool that I was able to do this, and that I was finally able to accept that I am incontinent and I am a diaper lover, so I just let it go. It feels good to release, especially if you are under stress because you can release all of the stress every Time you use the diaper, and that, in my opinion, is one of the best things, with everything you release, you feel better because you don’t have to worry. I am trying my best to do what I know to be right, and I’m hoping that I will be able to continue my training as well. There’s no reason for me to be running and hurting myself so I diaper is my choice, and I’m glad I did it! Congrats to those are who are continuing to train, and who have “graduated the training“ most times you have to deal with life, so your training time might be limited, but once you get past the training stage, and you accept it, then you are halfway home. I think I’m almost there at least, but I’m not quite sure. One thing I am quite sure of is that my diapers are my friend, and that is what I will use. As I said, I’m sick and tired of trying to run or trying to move real fast and then end up on the floor because of this. Diapers allow me to sleep andd deal with feelings and the incontinence, and it’s cool but I’m able to finally come to the realization the diapers and I are old friends, and I don’t want to give them up! Brian