Feel like a freak

[sjaeger172004]

Hi all Currently in mental hell at the moment had Bladder botox (Bladder neck an Urethral Spinter on the 25 March) and had to have Indwelling Catheter due to retention issues on the 27th. OMG the relief from my bladder sensory issues Not having to wake up 4-5time per night to travel to bathroom which occasionally causes falls. Able to drink water without Bladder giving me issues so was restricted to soda based or other drinks.

As well as other bladder issues I have had since 2009 since spinal injury. I really hate myself enjoying this relief (I am to keep this in til the 22 May when my urologist comes back) and I want a solution where he operates on me internally to have the same relief as the catheter (already been in full taped diapers since 2009 and find them comfortable) OMFG I feel like such a freak to the point I emailed my treating Consultant Psychiatrist of 3 years regarding this and requesting a Psychiatric assessment as well as psychologist as they both know I have been suffering. I suffer from under and overactive bladder and retention and can not safely self cath due to bad essential tremors in hands (had previous urological staff give up on me as I refused on medical grounds) I also have Autism, Bipolar and ADHD and since 2009 spinal issues at l3l4l5 s1 which neurosurgeon has written no treatment or surgery was an option.

I was for a permanent solution for health safety (retention) as well as Quality of life solution but I feel so fucking messed up in the head that I am taking valium more regularly (Psychiatrist knows but isn't concerned as he did a phone safety check up on me after the emails I sent him)

[Slomo]

Been there, done that. I had severe urge incontinence with a neurogenig dyssynergia sphincter (blockage). The pain would get unbearable,  and happened all too often. It tried it all, meds were ineffective and/or came with worse side effects. An interstim implant actually made things worse. And the only relief I ever had was when I was catheterized. Worst still was most urologist were quacks who refused to even believe I had a problem (I couldn't complete a urodynamics test by peeing out the catheter due to my  blockage).

Eventually I met a urologist at the Mayo Clinic, and he actually believed my complaints and worked with me to get that diagnosis. But I was so bad by that point I had multiple hemorrhoids, a bleeding anal fissure, gout, and indications my kidneys were in danger of shutting down. 

He wanted to do a stoma surgery (literally make a new pee hole), but i convinced him to do a series of sphincterotomy surgeries instead. He still hesitated saying the surgery would make me incontinent and reliant on diapers. But I countered it wouldn't since I had long ago already been urge incontinent and reliant on diapers.

It ultimately took 15 surgeries, including removing my prostate! But I am finally able to live without constant pain. And with a plus of not floodings my diaeprs and worrying about leaks. Totally worth it. So yeah, you're not a freak for wanting to be diapered.

Ps. I say when life gives you lemons, you learn to like lemonade. And when life gives you incontinence, you learn to like diapers.

[Valentinesstuff]

@sjaeger172004 First and most importantly, you are NOT a freak! You are dealing with a messed up lot in life the best you can. Stay in touch with your psychiatrist and other support, and keep after the doctors to get a solution.

[Iken]

On 4/6/2024 at 3:23 AM, sjaeger172004 said:

Hi all Currently in mental hell at the moment had Bladder botox (Bladder neck an Urethral Spinter on the 25 March) and had to have Indwelling Catheter due to retention issues on the 27th. OMG the relief from my bladder sensory issues Not having to wake up 4-5time per night to travel to bathroom which occasionally causes falls. Able to drink water without Bladder giving me issues so was restricted to soda based or other drinks.

As well as other bladder issues I have had since 2009 since spinal injury. I really hate myself enjoying this relief (I am to keep this in til the 22 May when my urologist comes back) and I want a solution where he operates on me internally to have the same relief as the catheter (already been in full taped diapers since 2009 and find them comfortable) OMFG I feel like such a freak to the point I emailed my treating Consultant Psychiatrist of 3 years regarding this and requesting a Psychiatric assessment as well as psychologist as they both know I have been suffering. I suffer from under and overactive bladder and retention and can not safely self cath due to bad essential tremors in hands (had previous urological staff give up on me as I refused on medical grounds) I also have Autism, Bipolar and ADHD and since 2009 spinal issues at l3l4l5 s1 which neurosurgeon has written no treatment or surgery was an option.

I was for a permanent solution for health safety (retention) as well as Quality of life solution but I feel so fucking messed up in the head that I am taking valium more regularly (Psychiatrist knows but isn't concerned as he did a phone safety check up on me after the emails I sent him)

First of all, you're not a freak. You have issues that you are dealing with.

[Brian]

On 4/8/2024 at 10:47 PM, Iken said:

First of all, you're not a freak. You have issues that you are dealing with.

@sjaeger172004

I agree with @Iken:  You are NOT a freak, You are dealing with medical issues that have been causing you issues.  We all have our issues that we deal with, and I can tell you from experience that when i started having issues with incontinence, it took me a while to understand that it is *NOT* something that I should have to sweat over, because there are many people in the world who deal with it everyday.  When I went for the Colo last June, I was as prepared as I could be, and I a glad that I brought my own diapers with me, because the ones they give you to use at the hospital are AWFUL, and they would NOT be able to deal with what you would release during the procedure preparation.

We all have to make tough decisions throughout our lives:  I resisted so hard trying to deal with incontinence issues, and then one day, I started realizing that "hey, I know what I should do", and I made it HAPPEN:  The first thing I did was ask for help from the doctor, and he told me "It takes a lot of guts for someone to come in here and ask for the help you did, and I am proud of you!"  That part done, the next part was to FINALLY do something I had resisted, but KNEW that my next action would help me:  Join Daily Diapers:  They helped me in so many ways:  I had not become a member there, but KNEW where I could get the help and support I needed:  and the rest is history.  I am GLAD that I made the decision that I made, and each time I have a situation where I have an accident, I think "I am glad I have my diapers, thank GOD for that!"

You should NOT hate the relief that you are experiencing: I would be the opposite, and hate the pain and the inconvenience that this would cause.  I used to worry about what people would say/think/do when or if they found that i was using diapers, but the worry was dissipated QUICKLY, because I know that there are people with disabilities that use wheelchairs, and I know that there are people that wear and use diapers, for many reasons, and there are those of us that use other means to deal with incontinence issues.

The best solution is the one that works for YOU!  Do not feel guilt or embarrassment because you may want to wear diapers, or because you may find some relief from constant pain or discomfort: Many people wear diapers, for many reasons, and some people (like me) wear because it helps me deal with Incontinence, as well as the feeling and urges that I have always dealt with:  and the thing I like is:  I DON'T have to HIDE anything anymore, and I accept that I need them.  I don't want medication, because it causes side effects, and that is not what I want, but because I have enough meds now!

Take care 🙂

Brian