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i never got good support nor did they help with anything nor any action was ever taken to help me so i still wake up in a soaked bed multible times a week. so my message to parents is please help your kid! and i seriously wish i had better parents! (advice for me is welcome)

@Dandelion Apologies for the delayed response. I have limits on how much time I can spend on this.... Before it started, I had 10 occurrences between my 7th and 13th birthday, and as a teenager there were two times (packing for a retreat and packing to go off to college) where the thought crossed my mind "What if I wet the bed?", as I never understood why on those 10 times. Later as an adult my second water bed taught me I was vulnerable to certain types of sudden temperature changes causing an urge in my sleep (that went unrecognized), so the main initial thoughts were something was wrong as I hit three times the first night and twice each night the rest of the first week. Called the doctor after the first or second night, but he wasn't concerned based on my past history. However I knew something had changed -- during the previous events it only would happen once in a given night... When it continued after getting off the medications, I noticed a short while later that how I "sensed" things had shifted for the second time that I noticed in my life. (Up until Covid-19, I haven't heard doctors concerned about how a person "senses" things - touch, smell, pain, etc. I've known since elementary school I was different from "normal" in this area.) And that change switch what was occasional nocturia into occasional nocturnal enuresis..... I spent the next year and a half researching information available at the local university hospital library trying to find more - but basically only finding information on (a) with women who I felt had small bladder capacities, and studies of youth (higher percent boys) trying to overcome the problem I was now having... And didn't find a solution that worked.... It did wake up the young boy in me.... And I did find the "little boy" in me never learned to dislike diapers. The "big boy" in me wants out of them, but doesn't know how.... The adult / engineer in me understand my control system and bladder is screwed up... and at this point accepts what is, Now, I've added the "fun" of early onset BPH to the mix. My maximum functional bladder capacity is reduced, and if I stay properly hydrated and get a good night's sleep, I'm going to have a wet diaper in the morning.... And I've accepted that.... Yes there are psychological items that go with that.... Best wishes on dealing with your issues.

Yeah. When life gives you lemons you learn to like lemonade. And when life gives you incontinence issues you learn to like diapers. I've also never hidden I was abdl before I became incontinent. In a way that made things worse for me at first. I sort of felt like I was making up the excuse to wear diapers 24/7. Eventually I realized I loved wearing diapers AND legitimately needed them too. So embracing diapers was the best thing I've ever done.

I think that enjoying incontinence is better than suffering from it.

Our sponsor has a next-gen diaper coming out this week, the new BeDry briefs. 7500ml capacity and odor control at less than $2 a diaper! I ordered some to try. Here's the link if you want to as well: https://incontroldiapers.com/incontrol-bedry-premium-incontinence-briefs/?utm_source=incontsite&utm_medium=banner&utm_campaign=Launch&utm_id=BeDry

I hope you all have a lovely Christmas, what ever you are doing A clean one, as well. I can't wait to hear all about it (what you all got up to, I mean). I may do a thread in the new year (or someone else can) where we can all share what gifts we got etc

CrochetGirl, I think you already have found the solution to living with bowel incontinence - prior planning and preparation. Regrettably, it takes good planning and preparation - and that requires a significant amount of time, as you already have learned. Unfortunately, we tend to lose spontaneity. You are impressively well organized and I agree with everything you are doing. Like you, I have a formal daily bowel program. I have neurogenic bowel due to an old accident and am seen by a SCI Rehab clinic in addition to gastroenterologists, etc. Unlike you, I have very few accidents as I self-administer old fashioned enemas every morning. These are traditional soapsuds or saline enemas from a hanging rubber enema bag, not the chemical Fleets enemas. I will emphasize that an empty bowel cannot have an accident. Once done I can (almost) forget about bowel problems until the following morning. I would rather do this at home than risk a bowel accident in public. I also will note that this is by prescription by my SCI docs and with the approval of my gastroenterologists. Be good to yourself. By that I mean consciously managing your emotional health. Perhaps half the battle to manage incontinence is emotional. Incontinence (and particularly bowel incontinence) causes stress and the stress can increase the incontinence. It is a vicious cycle. Give yourself a break, ie., pamper yourself with something relaxing or enjoyable. It does get better. With time we adapt better to the necessities of living with bowel incontinence. Many things just become "normal" like my diapers just becoming my underwear - not a big deal. Please continue to talk with us. Just talking can be helpful. I am sure you will hear from others here with similar issues. Best wishes, --John

I have found that the store brand at Cabelas that are relaxed fit work really well over my diapers. https://www.cabelas.com/shop/en/redhead-8-pocket-hiker-shorts-for-men

Hello. We are Archer and Lucy. We are both incontinent. We both served in the military but have different journeys to our IC. Mine if from my military service and hers is from a broken pelvis from child birth. It’s been a wild coincidence of paired disability but we live regular adult lives with now 4 kids. we are here to help.

It amazes me how incredibly diverse and differently shaped everyone's bodies are. A diaper that's a guaranteed fail for one person will be a guarantee win for the next person. Though unfortunately for anyone starting out that means a LOT of trial and error finding the right diaper.

I just hope they aren't using store bought diapers. That stuff should never be normal.

Does community college while living at my own apartment count? That was also decades ago, and about 1-2 years after I became incontinent. I was still trying to figure out what diapers actually worked, and back then there weren't many options. So I was predominantly using Attends 10 with wasitbands, but had urge incontinence and would flood my diapers. All too often I'd be sitting down in class and would leak. If it wasn't too bad I'd just stay seated till most everyone had left. Embarrassment aside, a few professors expressed sympathy, and everyone else didn't notice or didn't care. I'd then carry my bag to cover up as much as I could. I also kept a spare diaper in my bag if changing was needed, or a beeline home was a better option. And this was also when I figured out black pants were always needed. At some point I started adding a booster pad too. At first it was a maxipad, but then I found baby diapers worked better and cheaper. Leaks still happened at times, but not as bad. They were always just delt with as best as I could. Unfortunately, diaper covers worn over disposables weren't even a thing back then. Neither were leak guards, sap, or any of the major improvements we now have. So as one can imagine I kept myself at a social distance from others, and didn't attempt to make any new friends.

O i always called them Diapers and you are right about it being clear on your needs .. but after she told me thats what they have to call them i didnt correct them.. the same nurse looked at one of my better drys i had in my bag and commented on how much better they are then what the hospital uses

I think that very few people will hear it, even fewer will recognize the sound, and even fewer will say something to you.

I am very thankful for my diapers. But, it takes a lot of my time to plan, order, and inventory all my incontinence-related supplies. A con is all the heavy diaper trash that needs to be disposed. --John

Well between curse your whole life or make your best despite incontinence, I would just choose the second option.

Inconinmiss hit the nail on the head. One day I was being examined by three highly qualified urologists who kept insisting that I stop using diapers and use a catheter. I explained to them that I had successfully used five different catheter systems but preferred diapers. I explained that when one has a failure with a catheter system it often is a catastrophic failure with urine on the floor (possibly on your host's expensive oriental rug). With a diaper I usually can hide a failure and that a failure for me is very infrequent. They refused to listen and I left. Plus, consider that I am double incontinent. The bowel incontinence would keep me in a diaper anyway. --John

I normally don't do intros on forums, but this might be the first serious forum I've joined. I've been an AB pretty much my entire life, although I didn't really recognize it until I was a teen. So I am not a newcomer to wearing diapers. That's a good thing. In October I started up a new set of meds, all of which have diarrhea as a side effect. I have a consult with a telenurse every three weeks. The first one went fine, I had had no problems from my meds. The next weekend, I had a weak end. I was standing talking to friend at a gaming convention, when I had a very uncomfortable and uncontrollable wet fart. It was a good thing I was wearing a diaper. Over the next month I had several more accidents, about every week. These ranged from small leaks to fairly large messes. Again I'm glad I'm an AB. This culminated at Thanksgiving dinner, where I again had a wet messy fart. No warning to these. Yay for diapers! I've told the telenurse about this and we've been adjusting both the amount and formulation of my meds. So in the past couple of months I've had a dozen or accidents, ranging from a small leakage to a complete uncontrollable emptying of my bowels. Has any one else had this reaction to the meds they take?

Every urologist who has seen me regarding my incontinence has recommended that I use a condom catheter or some other device - anything except diapers. As a result of their insistence, I have tried condom catheters on several occasions, but I strongly prefer wearing a diaper because diapers are more comfortable in my opinion and ingender less anxiety about obvious failures than condom catheters. My incontinence has led to a number of embarrassing experiences over the years, but the worst catastrophe involved a condom catheter. I was attending a social gathering at my boss's mansion and bumped my leg against the corner of a coffee table, which caused a nearly full bag of urine to burst and dump a half pint or so of pee onto an antique Persian carpet. I was mortified. I've had many diaper leaks, but a diaper leak never dumps that much urine on to the floor. And since I always dark coloured trousers, most diaper leaks are not obvious to casual observers.

Lol. I wouldn't say I'm dedicated to Crinklz, I just haven't found anything better, let alone similarly functioning at the same price. And when you're urinary incontinent, having a diaper you can trust, for about $110 per month, is hard to beat. What you say is very interesting though. ABU, Bambino, and many others-even megamax and Trest Elite. If it has a tape landing zone, they all have that same general cut and tape placement shortcoming. And every one of them has failed me so far. Always prematurely leaking on me, around the legs, and long before even reaching half their intended absorbency. And wow, have I tried a LOT of different ones. That's why I fall back on Crinklz so much. When you take away all diapers with a landing zone, Crinklz is literally the only Premium diaper with prints on it. Rated at 5000ml ISO. And only one of a few that doesn't cost $200-300 for a month's supply (at 2 per day). And I have been looking for a "backup" diaper for a while now. Guess I'll have to try them and see if they work for me or not. And even if they do fail me, I can add my own tapes to reduce those leaks around my legs and still get my money's worth out of them. So BeDry, be ready for some testing against some higher expectations.

That it's no big deal.

With vacations and trips our normal water and food intake gets easily disrupted. As does our activity level. So needing a normal amount of diapers can get disrupted just as equally. Whatever number of diapers you normally need, always bring about 20% more. Or a minimum of 2 for really short trips. Yes, lugging around spare diapers you probably won't use is a pain in the rear, but running out is worse. As for hotel stays, bagging and disposing your diapers is being extra nice but is also unneeded. At a minimum, just make sure your used diaper is in a trash bag next to the undersized trash can and you'll be ok. Bagged and tied off if it's a messy diaper too

Yeah, I have a 2-day hospital go bag I brought with me. And also had my wife bring me a full bag of crinklz. When she showed up with the new bag the nurse went off her rocker and declared them banned and put away in a storage cabinet. That's when she went to that horrible vacuum collection system (periwiz). It leaked 2x the first evening, 4x the next day, and 1 more the next morning. I could feel a rash setting in so that's when I said screw the nurse and went back to my diapers this morning. Haven't seen her since then, but don't care.

To start with, I put myself back in diapers when secondary nocturnal enuresis kicked in during a major illness. At the time, the doctor wasn't that concerned (due to the acute start up), but I "felt" something had changed. Once I was off the medication for the illness, I was left with occasional nocturnal enuresis that replaced occasional noctueria... At first I view the situation as short term and for the next year and a half tried to get the issue resolved, including spending time doing research in the local university's medical library. Let's just say I can sleep through the night time potty training alarms and wear out the batteries..... Eventually, I accepted that this wasn't going away. I also recognize that a part of me is a DL.... However if you had mentioned any of this prior to the start up of secondary nocturnal enuresis I would have given you a quizzical look and not known what you were talking about. A few years back, early onset BPH bit day time control, and now I wear all the time. I try to not use the diapers during the day, but at this point they are typically slightly damp by evening. I've accepted the need, and just get on with life. I've made a point of not keeping the diapers from stopping me from doing what I want to do.-

what Slomo and Dan said. If something is blocking the plumbing a severe bladder spasm will wake me up and if I move slightly I will flood immediately. This really sucks as I can only host a few oz before my bladder throws a fit. Thankfully it doesn't happen that much but it's also a concern if I ever re-gained some control and wanted to re-train my bladder to not wear diapers, nighttime would be a big problem,

Hi and welcome. I also became incontinent while in the military. If you don't mind my asking, what has it been like raising 4 kids while also dealing with incontinence? How was potty training handled? And did you have any other hurdles or problems because of your incontinence?

Good points all. However, do note that a thicker diaper is not necessarily more absorbent than a thin one. If two diapers have the same absorbency I will select the thicker one as it probably has more fluff pulp that will help wicking. --John

Water. It's the most important thing you can drink to help with incontinence. Seems counter intuitive, but it can't be overstated. Dehydrating yourself so you won't have to go as often does more damage to your body overall. AND it makes your pee smell much worse while also causing more rashes. Just don't do it. Cranberry juice (not the juice mix) is also really good for maintaining urinary health. It's even been shown to cure minor UTIs. As for bowel incontinence (and IBS), that's probably going to vary from person to person. Though generally, vegetables are usually quite helpful in reducing symptoms and making you more regular.

I just had an interesting conversation with a new urologist, so thought I'd share. For those who don't know, I previously had a severe urinary blockage (neurogenic dyssynergia), coupled with sever urge incontinence. And yes, it was painful and the complications from it were even a little deadly. A whopping 16 surgeries later and now I'm functionally incontinent, with dripping all the time. Except recently I've sometimes been retaining urine in my bladder. Given my history I figured it would be best to look into why that's happening. So my pcm referred me to a new urologist. I'm a disabled veteran, and get my primary care at a Navy base hospital, and my urologist referral also ended up being on base too. And he is an active duty Captain. So I started him off with a brief history, where I should be with my functional incontinence, and what's been going on. And as expected he ordered a cystoscopy for a later date so we can figure out what's changed. But then he starts asking me how I've been dealing with all my problems, sex life, and managing my incontinence! Like, no other specialist has EVER cared enough to even ask this stuff.... On the topic of managing my incontinence we ended up talking about how difficult it was for me when I first started wearing depends 24/7 (In the 90's). And how bad they were with leaks. How even now the only thing dependable with Depends is they absolutely will leak. But I've since found much, much better online that is also cheaper. Intreagued he asked me what I use now, and I told him Betterdry (just to keep it simple, even though I actually use Crinklz). That yes they cost 3x as much, but they also last 6x as long. They don't leak, have better acquisition and therefore feel dryer for longer, need changing much less often, and therefore cost less on a cost-per-day basis. And he was really happy to hear all that. I just wish I also told him about LLMedical, which sells them with a military/veterans discount. Lol, or maybe this website too.

Thanks for the sympathy. It didn't happen all that often, maybe like once a week or two. And thankfully my time in the US Marines instilled me with a lot of self confidence that helped me deal with it. All that hardship is one of the reasone why I like being here to try and help others. It gives me meaning to know that I didn't go though it all for nothing. That others can benefit from it all.

Slomo, you had it really rough in college. The stress must have been terrible. --John

I had an overactive bladder during that period of my life but it had yet to cause any problems other than making me feel embarrassed, or kind of abnormal. Slomo: that sounds horrible. I'm sorry you had to deal with that, and on top of it, not having effective means to protecting yourself.

I suspect that our differing experiences with MegaMax are largely due to our different shapes. In selecting a diaper my highest priority is fit. Even the most absorbent diaper will leak if it does not fit your personal anatomy. --John

Oh wow. I can't believe they made you keep taking it after you threw up the first time. Let alone after so many repeats. Doctors are supposed to know they can use multiple types of prep solution. Mine was called Clenpiq, it was a small 6-8oz bottle I drank half of in one gulp, then again 4 hours later in another gulp. I did almost throw that stuff up, and I'm sure if it was mixed with the electrolyte water like yours was I probably would have. Why they can't make it tast less awful I have no idea. But mine didn't tast like it was supposed to either, not even close. My last one 10 years ago had me use mirlax and dulcolax. No bad taste, and no inclination of throwing up. Same end result. And wow 27 megamax diapers? That's way more than I would have guessed could have been needed. Then again you did effectively go through the prep twice in a row. At least you had the supplies and didn't have to result to those medical grade pullups. I don't even want to imagine that.....

Not Trest, but I did try Megamax. And was kind of disappointed with them. They leaked on me before they even came close to half full, right at the front of my legs. Not a surprise though, Megamax has their lower tapes shifted up towards the middle of the back wings. Which means I will never be able to get a snug fit around my legs with them. Really with any diaper that uses a tape landing zone, and "no lower tapes". Which Trest is even more extreme with their tape placement, so I have no interest in trying them.

I've seen this question a LOT. Why can't someone make an adult diaper that looks, feels, and most importantly works just as good as a baby diaper. First, copyrights and patents. Baby diaper manufacturers want any advantage they can hold on to, and not let anyone else use their patented designs. Baby or adult. Second, I came across this image. This is just how different our body shapes are from newborn to adult. So a diaper shaped for a baby could never "scale up" and work for an adult. https://9gag.com/gag/ajXG1MG?utm_source

If anyone took issue with my choice to use a diaper to manage my FI, I’d allow them to experience exactly what happens when I go without one. They’d probably change their mind pretty quick!

I'll never admit to crying. NEVER! Though at first I sometimes had that same thought. Now though, I think to myself I'm glad I had a diaper on or that would have been a real disaster to cry over. I then clean up as best as I can, and move on without giving it a second thought. Eventually in life you'll have to realize you can't dwell on what has happened. There's no changing that. What you can do though, is be prepared so the next time it happens you can be glad it was at least mitigated, and things won't be as bad as it could have been. In other words, always try and look for the brighter side of things.

Slomo, I'm glad everything came out ok.😱 I fully agree re vague or inaccurate instructions. I have received conflicting instructions. As I have nerve damage to the anal sphincters, I have only limited sphincter control. Any prep is a nightmare of continuous bowel accidents (in the diaper of course). It is so bad I am debating not having another colonoscopy. When I mentioned this to my gastroenterologist, he understood and, to my surprise, did not argue the point. --John

Well, it turns out taking the second dose of prep right before trying to go to bed is a bad idea. I found out afterwards there was still a bunch of poop left in part of my intestines. They didn't see anything worth noting, but because they couldn't see everything they want me back in a year for a redo. When I saw the doctor in recovery he even mentioned it would have been better if I took the second dose when I woke up. Thanks doc, maybe then you should change those instructions I was given. Uuugh. Other than that, recovery was easy and quick. I was in and out in under 3 hours. Then came the gas. Little know fact. During the procedure they use nitrogen gas to literally blow your intestines up like a balloon. It's needed so they can see everything good. But that can be painful to some hence why they knock everyone out. They do deflate you before you wake up, but still, there's always some left for you to pass thereafter. I didn't have it bad at all my first colonoscopy, but this one was much worse. Maybe because there was still poop in me, I don't know. The gas moving through me felt like massive pressure at points, which caused me enough pain to double over at times. Eventually it did pass though, and all returned to normal.

How do you think I feel, when medical staff refuse to use the word diaper. I often think it's humiliating to call my diapers a briefs, despite me insisting it's a diaper. It feels into the stigma that we're tying to fight against. To me a diaper is a a diaper regardless if it's a baby, child, teen, adult or even an elderly person is wearing. Calling it sometime else makes it worse for those who are kept in them. It reinforces stereotypes and notions about those who wear diapers. The problem is that too many people in society are stuck on the old notions of what diapers means. Many think that only babies wear diapers when in reality anyone who has an incontinence medical condition wears diapers. For me, I am not ashamed of wearing diapers. I know they are diapers and in my mind, diapers are normal for those who are Incontinent. Being in diapers, I know I have not lost my adulthood. Diapers allows me to have a normal life without fear or shame.

I am so frustrated by medical practitioners who refuse to use the word "Diaper," claiming that it is humiliating for their patients. As Slomo indicated, it feeds the continuing stigma. If we cannot educate the doctors, how will we educate the general public? In many rehab and assisted living facilities the staff are prohibited from using the word "diaper." Too many people still feel that being identified with wearing a "diaper" means that they have lost their adulthood or maturity and somehow have reverted to being infantile. --John

Agreed 100%. Being able to admit to others you need diapers, and being able to openly talk about it is a huge step forward. Just as much as admitting it to yourself. I'd also add that anyone who refuses to use the word Diaper are feeding into the stigma that diapers should be avoided at all costs, they are not for adults, somehow wrong and giving up, you name it. By simply mentioning them by the correct name we are fo4cing that stigma to be dispelled.

I used to try out a bunch of different things, meds, diapers, etc. I've since found what works nearly perfect for me, so why keep looking to fix what isn't broken. That said, ALWAYS have a backup plan. Diapers get change around and "improved", or outright discontinued all the time. Already knowing what you can fall back on is a big stress reliever.

Do you worry that someone will hear your diapers? Perhaps the rustling or crinkling sounds many diapers make? And, it is not just the diapers themselves, our plastic pants generate their own sounds. My wife could hear a my pair of urethane pants from across the room.😱 Admittedly, with some hearing loss, I am unlikely to pick up on those sounds, but others might. I think many women have better hearing than most men. Of course, my clothing does function as a "silencer." Over my diaper I wear a thin cotton pullup for absorbency but it also acts as a silencer. My onesie over diaper and plastic pants acts as another layer, and, of course, my jeans. Nonetheless, sometimes I can hear a faint sound and worry that the sound may sound louder to others. In most active areas, the sound levels help to mask any sounds from our diapers. Fortunately, most non-incontinents who hear our diaper-related sounds are not likely to recognize them for what they are🙂. What do you guys and gals think? --John

I resent all the time lost for diaper changes. However, that beats the time required to have to go home to change wet trousers. As I also am bowel incontinent, think how bad that would be without a quality diaper - yuk!💩😱 I I hate the incontinence but appreciate the diapers. --John

fit is one thing, but what about some of the features on baby diapers. more comfortable waistbands, better topsheets, etc. those things would be nice.

Aggree re the scaling. Also, an article I read a couple of years ago extrapolated the size and padding of a baby diaper to adult size and determined that it would be so overly large that adults would refuse to wear it (even though it would perform its function very well). --John

It's good to see mostly positive replies here. Just to clarify, I too do not going around just telling others I wear a diaper. IF it comes up for some reason, then I'm pretty open about it. Personally, I believe it helps to dispell that stigma and awkwardness, one person at a time.

Not just believable. Scientifically proven. Too much stress is well known to cause all kinds of problems, physical and mental.