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i never got good support nor did they help with anything nor any action was ever taken to help me so i still wake up in a soaked bed multible times a week. so my message to parents is please help your kid! and i seriously wish i had better parents! (advice for me is welcome)

@Dandelion Apologies for the delayed response. I have limits on how much time I can spend on this.... Before it started, I had 10 occurrences between my 7th and 13th birthday, and as a teenager there were two times (packing for a retreat and packing to go off to college) where the thought crossed my mind "What if I wet the bed?", as I never understood why on those 10 times. Later as an adult my second water bed taught me I was vulnerable to certain types of sudden temperature changes causing an urge in my sleep (that went unrecognized), so the main initial thoughts were something was wrong as I hit three times the first night and twice each night the rest of the first week. Called the doctor after the first or second night, but he wasn't concerned based on my past history. However I knew something had changed -- during the previous events it only would happen once in a given night... When it continued after getting off the medications, I noticed a short while later that how I "sensed" things had shifted for the second time that I noticed in my life. (Up until Covid-19, I haven't heard doctors concerned about how a person "senses" things - touch, smell, pain, etc. I've known since elementary school I was different from "normal" in this area.) And that change switch what was occasional nocturia into occasional nocturnal enuresis..... I spent the next year and a half researching information available at the local university hospital library trying to find more - but basically only finding information on (a) with women who I felt had small bladder capacities, and studies of youth (higher percent boys) trying to overcome the problem I was now having... And didn't find a solution that worked.... It did wake up the young boy in me.... And I did find the "little boy" in me never learned to dislike diapers. The "big boy" in me wants out of them, but doesn't know how.... The adult / engineer in me understand my control system and bladder is screwed up... and at this point accepts what is, Now, I've added the "fun" of early onset BPH to the mix. My maximum functional bladder capacity is reduced, and if I stay properly hydrated and get a good night's sleep, I'm going to have a wet diaper in the morning.... And I've accepted that.... Yes there are psychological items that go with that.... Best wishes on dealing with your issues.

Yeah. When life gives you lemons you learn to like lemonade. And when life gives you incontinence issues you learn to like diapers. I've also never hidden I was abdl before I became incontinent. In a way that made things worse for me at first. I sort of felt like I was making up the excuse to wear diapers 24/7. Eventually I realized I loved wearing diapers AND legitimately needed them too. So embracing diapers was the best thing I've ever done.

I think that enjoying incontinence is better than suffering from it.

Our sponsor has a next-gen diaper coming out this week, the new BeDry briefs. 7500ml capacity and odor control at less than $2 a diaper! I ordered some to try. Here's the link if you want to as well: https://incontroldiapers.com/incontrol-bedry-premium-incontinence-briefs/?utm_source=incontsite&utm_medium=banner&utm_campaign=Launch&utm_id=BeDry

I hope you all have a lovely Christmas, what ever you are doing A clean one, as well. I can't wait to hear all about it (what you all got up to, I mean). I may do a thread in the new year (or someone else can) where we can all share what gifts we got etc

CrochetGirl, I think you already have found the solution to living with bowel incontinence - prior planning and preparation. Regrettably, it takes good planning and preparation - and that requires a significant amount of time, as you already have learned. Unfortunately, we tend to lose spontaneity. You are impressively well organized and I agree with everything you are doing. Like you, I have a formal daily bowel program. I have neurogenic bowel due to an old accident and am seen by a SCI Rehab clinic in addition to gastroenterologists, etc. Unlike you, I have very few accidents as I self-administer old fashioned enemas every morning. These are traditional soapsuds or saline enemas from a hanging rubber enema bag, not the chemical Fleets enemas. I will emphasize that an empty bowel cannot have an accident. Once done I can (almost) forget about bowel problems until the following morning. I would rather do this at home than risk a bowel accident in public. I also will note that this is by prescription by my SCI docs and with the approval of my gastroenterologists. Be good to yourself. By that I mean consciously managing your emotional health. Perhaps half the battle to manage incontinence is emotional. Incontinence (and particularly bowel incontinence) causes stress and the stress can increase the incontinence. It is a vicious cycle. Give yourself a break, ie., pamper yourself with something relaxing or enjoyable. It does get better. With time we adapt better to the necessities of living with bowel incontinence. Many things just become "normal" like my diapers just becoming my underwear - not a big deal. Please continue to talk with us. Just talking can be helpful. I am sure you will hear from others here with similar issues. Best wishes, --John

I have found that the store brand at Cabelas that are relaxed fit work really well over my diapers. https://www.cabelas.com/shop/en/redhead-8-pocket-hiker-shorts-for-men

Hello. We are Archer and Lucy. We are both incontinent. We both served in the military but have different journeys to our IC. Mine if from my military service and hers is from a broken pelvis from child birth. It’s been a wild coincidence of paired disability but we live regular adult lives with now 4 kids. we are here to help.

It amazes me how incredibly diverse and differently shaped everyone's bodies are. A diaper that's a guaranteed fail for one person will be a guarantee win for the next person. Though unfortunately for anyone starting out that means a LOT of trial and error finding the right diaper.

I just hope they aren't using store bought diapers. That stuff should never be normal.

Does community college while living at my own apartment count? That was also decades ago, and about 1-2 years after I became incontinent. I was still trying to figure out what diapers actually worked, and back then there weren't many options. So I was predominantly using Attends 10 with wasitbands, but had urge incontinence and would flood my diapers. All too often I'd be sitting down in class and would leak. If it wasn't too bad I'd just stay seated till most everyone had left. Embarrassment aside, a few professors expressed sympathy, and everyone else didn't notice or didn't care. I'd then carry my bag to cover up as much as I could. I also kept a spare diaper in my bag if changing was needed, or a beeline home was a better option. And this was also when I figured out black pants were always needed. At some point I started adding a booster pad too. At first it was a maxipad, but then I found baby diapers worked better and cheaper. Leaks still happened at times, but not as bad. They were always just delt with as best as I could. Unfortunately, diaper covers worn over disposables weren't even a thing back then. Neither were leak guards, sap, or any of the major improvements we now have. So as one can imagine I kept myself at a social distance from others, and didn't attempt to make any new friends.

O i always called them Diapers and you are right about it being clear on your needs .. but after she told me thats what they have to call them i didnt correct them.. the same nurse looked at one of my better drys i had in my bag and commented on how much better they are then what the hospital uses

I think that very few people will hear it, even fewer will recognize the sound, and even fewer will say something to you.

I am very thankful for my diapers. But, it takes a lot of my time to plan, order, and inventory all my incontinence-related supplies. A con is all the heavy diaper trash that needs to be disposed. --John

After you switch to 24/7, your body will start adapting to the added heat retention down there. It took me a few years, but eventually it stopped feeling normally hot and sweaty. Beore that happens, make sure you are completely drying out down there at least once per day. Use rash creams and/or powders after that too. And consider using a diaper that will only last 4-6 hours during 5he day so you'll be changing more often.

For me, elastic waistbands are helpful. They make sure my diaper stays snug without getting too tight, and also help the diaper conform to my body shape. Of which helps contain any smells. They also help by allowing me to pull down the diaper for sitting on the toilet, then pull them back up into place. All without having to redo the tapes. I continuously dribble and can also attest to the standing leak guards helping, a lot. They reduce leaks around my legs, and really help to reduce leaks while sleeping on my side. I feel the premium diapers do have enough capacity and padding to take multiple floodings or all day dribbling for 12 hours (or more), so I'd say they are good where they're at. A few even go way beyond what's needed, but they're clearly for those who want to feel the bulk between their legs. Not really aimed or priced at those who want a diaper that will last through a work day. Wetess indicators are a waste. ANY decent caregiver will be able to spot a diaper that needs changing from across the room. Or smell it. And we certainly don't need them for ourselves. Plus, they only indicate when when the diaper has been first used, not when it's nearing any sort of capacity. So they don't even do any good. Indicators need to be left off. Tapes and plastic backing material could definitely be better and stronger. It's ok enough as is, bu5 just barely. I'd love to see getting rid of second chance tapes AND without needing a too-small tape landing zone. Three tapes per side would also be a big improvement. Though I'm sure all of that would mean more expensive diapers, which almost nobody wants. So that isn't likely to happen. You did overlook colors and prints though. While completely secondary to their function, I see plenty of request for more colors (especially blue or light blue), and non-babyish prints. Personally I like Crinklz though.

Personally, I find more comfort in a diaper that is thicker, or to you point fluffier. While the thin can be more discrete, I often times find that it takes a second for the firmly compressed padding to be ready to absorb everything I’m throwing at it. Fluffier diapers like Northshore MegaMax leave me with no fears of leaks and when dry are honestly quite discrete! cheers

Well between curse your whole life or make your best despite incontinence, I would just choose the second option.

Brave, good on her!

Inconinmiss hit the nail on the head. One day I was being examined by three highly qualified urologists who kept insisting that I stop using diapers and use a catheter. I explained to them that I had successfully used five different catheter systems but preferred diapers. I explained that when one has a failure with a catheter system it often is a catastrophic failure with urine on the floor (possibly on your host's expensive oriental rug). With a diaper I usually can hide a failure and that a failure for me is very infrequent. They refused to listen and I left. Plus, consider that I am double incontinent. The bowel incontinence would keep me in a diaper anyway. --John

Every urologist who has seen me regarding my incontinence has recommended that I use a condom catheter or some other device - anything except diapers. As a result of their insistence, I have tried condom catheters on several occasions, but I strongly prefer wearing a diaper because diapers are more comfortable in my opinion and ingender less anxiety about obvious failures than condom catheters. My incontinence has led to a number of embarrassing experiences over the years, but the worst catastrophe involved a condom catheter. I was attending a social gathering at my boss's mansion and bumped my leg against the corner of a coffee table, which caused a nearly full bag of urine to burst and dump a half pint or so of pee onto an antique Persian carpet. I was mortified. I've had many diaper leaks, but a diaper leak never dumps that much urine on to the floor. And since I always dark coloured trousers, most diaper leaks are not obvious to casual observers.

Lol. I wouldn't say I'm dedicated to Crinklz, I just haven't found anything better, let alone similarly functioning at the same price. And when you're urinary incontinent, having a diaper you can trust, for about $110 per month, is hard to beat. What you say is very interesting though. ABU, Bambino, and many others-even megamax and Trest Elite. If it has a tape landing zone, they all have that same general cut and tape placement shortcoming. And every one of them has failed me so far. Always prematurely leaking on me, around the legs, and long before even reaching half their intended absorbency. And wow, have I tried a LOT of different ones. That's why I fall back on Crinklz so much. When you take away all diapers with a landing zone, Crinklz is literally the only Premium diaper with prints on it. Rated at 5000ml ISO. And only one of a few that doesn't cost $200-300 for a month's supply (at 2 per day). And I have been looking for a "backup" diaper for a while now. Guess I'll have to try them and see if they work for me or not. And even if they do fail me, I can add my own tapes to reduce those leaks around my legs and still get my money's worth out of them. So BeDry, be ready for some testing against some higher expectations.

With vacations and trips our normal water and food intake gets easily disrupted. As does our activity level. So needing a normal amount of diapers can get disrupted just as equally. Whatever number of diapers you normally need, always bring about 20% more. Or a minimum of 2 for really short trips. Yes, lugging around spare diapers you probably won't use is a pain in the rear, but running out is worse. As for hotel stays, bagging and disposing your diapers is being extra nice but is also unneeded. At a minimum, just make sure your used diaper is in a trash bag next to the undersized trash can and you'll be ok. Bagged and tied off if it's a messy diaper too

Gary Activewear PUL pants are fantastic, PUL diaper covers in general make such a difference

Most any pants or shorts, 1 size larger than normal, will accommodate diapers fairly well. Also, I found anything with extra creases or pockets (like pleated pants) visually break up the area around your crotch, which helps hide a diaper quite nicely. One other thing that helps hide a diaper is a good diaper cover. Leaks are a dead give away, so containing them before it becomes outwardly noticable is a must. I personally prefer Gary Activewear PUL pants. I wear them inside out, so the nylon layer is on the inside. This allows the cover to absorb some of a leak, while also helping me to notice it a little faster. PUL pants also muffle diaper crinkling too, furthering one's stealth.

in some places its law https://www.cbsnews.com/minnesota/news/adult-changing-tables-are-now-minnesota-law-in-all-new-public-restrooms/ i like this idea and would like to see them in family restrooms, i change myself so its not something i would use but for those that do need this it would be great

On the rare occasion when I wake up needing to pee, the most lightly outcome is that I will wet myself some time between getting out of bed and shuffling groggily to the toilet. So,I just adjust my pillow, turn over and go back to sleep.

The stigma is still there, but it has improved over the years. I think the ageing baby-boomers are accepting the help of absorbent products more proudly than past generations.

Same for thick as well. Thin always means it will have more sap (super absorbent polymer). And too much sap to padding means it will take much longer for the diaper to absorb pee, and also be much more likely to leak. Thin diapers are also more expensive than thick diapers too. Think about it, every time you change a thin diaper you're paying for an new waterproof shell, tapes, elastics, etc. But go with thick and every minute past changing a thin one you're only paying for the added padding. On a per day basis, the cost of a thick diaper always comes out cheaper. Then there's function too. A diaper's entire purpose is to prevent embarrassing leaks. Thin fails at this way too often, and thick excells at not leaking. Going with a thick diaper is what's called a no-brainer. Especially when you consider this "a thick diaper that has done its job is way less noticeable than a thin one that has leaked".

Water. It's the most important thing you can drink to help with incontinence. Seems counter intuitive, but it can't be overstated. Dehydrating yourself so you won't have to go as often does more damage to your body overall. AND it makes your pee smell much worse while also causing more rashes. Just don't do it. Cranberry juice (not the juice mix) is also really good for maintaining urinary health. It's even been shown to cure minor UTIs. As for bowel incontinence (and IBS), that's probably going to vary from person to person. Though generally, vegetables are usually quite helpful in reducing symptoms and making you more regular.

Iken, you were very fortunate to have the college be so accommodating. --John

I had an overactive bladder during that period of my life but it had yet to cause any problems other than making me feel embarrassed, or kind of abnormal. Slomo: that sounds horrible. I'm sorry you had to deal with that, and on top of it, not having effective means to protecting yourself.

I've watched the abdl forums for a looooonnnnggg time. And can say for certain they do not undermine what we are trying to achieve. At least the vast majority don't. And when some abdl does crop up in a bad way they are shot right back down. Policed by their own community. In fact, I'd say the 30-40% of abdls who also have a diaper fetish are hidden so far in the closet they might as well be top secret about it. And the rest just want the idea of adults wearing a diaper (regardless of a physical OR psychological need) to be more socially acceptable. No forced exposure in public, except in places where it's already ok to be less dressed (like a locker room or at the beach). They just want the ability to be in public, with a diaper on, and not have to feel embarrased or be in fear of being found out. Pretty much like the rest of us.

Same. I've already said this in a couple of other threads, but refusing to call them what they are only breeds confusion and heightens the stigma. I'm also a big advocate for calling things what they are. And if someone calls my diapers something else I will typically correct them on it.

I'm like that too. I am on a warpath to make diapers feel normal. I try to fight so hard to use the word "Diaper" instead of Briefs. The word "brief" makes it feel like I should be ashamed for wearing them. It's why I am not ashamed to say I wear diapers and I wear diapers to cope my Incontinence. The problem I see is that in society and the Medical community they want to hide the notion of people who have incontinence issues and wear diapers. It's kind of funny that society is okay with babies wearing diapers but when it comes to a child, teen, adult, elderly or disabled. They seem to change the name and not stick to reality and stick to facts. For me, I still call it a diaper no matter what society and the medical community calls it. I call it a diaper regardless and I see it for what it is. Calling it something else imply's I need to hide or feel ashamed. It's why I am not afraid, ashamed or humiliated for wearing a diaper. I never use the term that the medical community wants to shove down our faces. It's why I am one of those who hate the word "brief" and when someone in the medical community says that, it makes me feel shameful and makes me think that their is something wrong. I feel that there isn't anything wrong and we shouldn't encourage shame in people who need diapers. I wear diapers and I know I am not ashamed about that. To me, a Diaper is what helps me get by in life.

I think these calculation are a nice reference point - but you can see that yourself. If you don't take any urine-discoloring drugs now, you can simply look at the color of your urine. Almost transparent: Too much liquid Light yellow: enough liquid Dark yellow: too little liquit

I've seen this question a LOT. Why can't someone make an adult diaper that looks, feels, and most importantly works just as good as a baby diaper. First, copyrights and patents. Baby diaper manufacturers want any advantage they can hold on to, and not let anyone else use their patented designs. Baby or adult. Second, I came across this image. This is just how different our body shapes are from newborn to adult. So a diaper shaped for a baby could never "scale up" and work for an adult. https://9gag.com/gag/ajXG1MG?utm_source

If anyone took issue with my choice to use a diaper to manage my FI, I’d allow them to experience exactly what happens when I go without one. They’d probably change their mind pretty quick!

Well, it turns out taking the second dose of prep right before trying to go to bed is a bad idea. I found out afterwards there was still a bunch of poop left in part of my intestines. They didn't see anything worth noting, but because they couldn't see everything they want me back in a year for a redo. When I saw the doctor in recovery he even mentioned it would have been better if I took the second dose when I woke up. Thanks doc, maybe then you should change those instructions I was given. Uuugh. Other than that, recovery was easy and quick. I was in and out in under 3 hours. Then came the gas. Little know fact. During the procedure they use nitrogen gas to literally blow your intestines up like a balloon. It's needed so they can see everything good. But that can be painful to some hence why they knock everyone out. They do deflate you before you wake up, but still, there's always some left for you to pass thereafter. I didn't have it bad at all my first colonoscopy, but this one was much worse. Maybe because there was still poop in me, I don't know. The gas moving through me felt like massive pressure at points, which caused me enough pain to double over at times. Eventually it did pass though, and all returned to normal.

Interesting how long Slomo and Iken are able to last without a change. I stay well hydrated and am a heavy wetter. I usually need to change at about 6 hours and rarely risk going longer than 7 ½ hours. However, on long car trips if I "diaper heavy" I usually can last for 12 hours. Otherwise my changing habits are similar to Scarth. --John

Acceptance for me is being able to call a diaper a diaper and not a brief. Calling a diaper a brief, stigmatizes people like me who wear diapers.

Agreed 100%. Being able to admit to others you need diapers, and being able to openly talk about it is a huge step forward. Just as much as admitting it to yourself. I'd also add that anyone who refuses to use the word Diaper are feeding into the stigma that diapers should be avoided at all costs, they are not for adults, somehow wrong and giving up, you name it. By simply mentioning them by the correct name we are fo4cing that stigma to be dispelled.

I used to try out a bunch of different things, meds, diapers, etc. I've since found what works nearly perfect for me, so why keep looking to fix what isn't broken. That said, ALWAYS have a backup plan. Diapers get change around and "improved", or outright discontinued all the time. Already knowing what you can fall back on is a big stress reliever.

Take solace it's not as loud, or recognizable, to others as it is to us. I actually outed myself once because the crinkling of my diaper was so loud to me I was certain a friend I was walking with had to of heard it too. I asked if he could hear that too, and his reply was hear what. I said that plastic noise, and he was like oh yeah I hadn't even noticed but what is it, a candy wrapper or something. To which I then told him it was my diaper betraying me. In hindsight I probably could have gotten away with saying it was, but I'm glad I hadn't. He took it all in stride without batting an eye. And later on he even asked me for advice, as his own father was becoming incontinent and depends wasn't cutting it.

I resent all the time lost for diaper changes. However, that beats the time required to have to go home to change wet trousers. As I also am bowel incontinent, think how bad that would be without a quality diaper - yuk!💩😱 I I hate the incontinence but appreciate the diapers. --John

Hello, thank you for your messages. I feel the same. I no longer have any control over my bladder but the urge to urinate every 10 minutes has disappeared, it has been a real relief. Diapers … at the time I did not want to hear about it. Psychologically it was difficult but I learned to accept it. a lot of people think that I took the easy way out and that I could fight my incontinence a little more. in a sense, they may be right because without results, I lost motivation. I know this is not a solution to my problem but I cannot stay hidden at home. I need to wear and I have to wear diapers and finally with a little experience, I manage to live my daily life much better.

I was at first, and with those old 1990s depends, I know for a fact people could hear them crinkling. Modern diapers a waaaay quieter. Though in a very quiet setting its possible someone could still hear them. Most anywhere else, forget it. People are so caught up in their own world they will not notice. Ever hear of the "gorilla test". Look it up on YouTube. Like Brian, I too recommend PUL pants for mitigating the rest of that crinkling sound. Either Gary Activewear, or Northshore Trifectas. They are great at containing leaks (even with disposable diapers), help contain any smells, and do a great job muffling any sound. Also, it gets easier with time. At some point you'll come to realize and fully internalize that diapers are not illegal, immoral, or even socially bad. They are necessary though, and anyone who has a problem with you wearing a diaper shouldn't be feared, they should be pittied. For it's their problem not yours. And once you get to that point you'll also stop caring even if they do notice.

fit is one thing, but what about some of the features on baby diapers. more comfortable waistbands, better topsheets, etc. those things would be nice.

I'd have to agree. For both pee and poop. Anything less than 1" tall just isn't effective enough. 1.5" seems to work ok enough, and 2" just works better. The Betterdry/Crinklz I use have about a 2" tall leak guard, and I might have a urine leak 1-2 times a month with them. And even with my occasional IBS-D I have never had a fecal leak.