david49 Posted June 9, 2023 Share Posted June 9, 2023 I've been single for a few years now and I feel like my incontinence isn't going to help things. It took me some time to accept my incontinence even if I'm better psychologically, I still have this feeling of being a little apart from people and society. sometimes I feel a certain loneliness. I was signed up on a dating site and have always been candid about my medical concerns. I was surprised to chat with very understandable people and I never had any inappropriate reactions. Despite everything, the image of an incontinent man frightens people and it is difficult to make him accept. What is your opinion and personal experience? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slomo Posted June 9, 2023 Share Posted June 9, 2023 Oh it'll frighten a lot of people away for sure. But look at it this way, people with that shallow mind set aren't the ones you'll want to be dating anyways. So in a way, your up front incontinence info is just a really good filter to get rid of them before they waste your time. But of course it also means you'll be seeing and talking to fewer people. People who will be more understanding and open, but fewer people. Another approach (the one I took), is to just use a normal profile and date normally. By about the third date start talking about each other's medical problems and mention it then. That gives them time form a good first impression before getting into the less favorable impressions. But also doesn't waste too much time potentially investing in the wrong person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zombie_Turtle Posted June 10, 2023 Share Posted June 10, 2023 Quote Another approach (the one I took), is to just use a normal profile and date normally. By about the third date start talking about each other's medical problems and mention it then. That gives them time form a good first impression before getting into the less favorable impressions. But also doesn't waste too much time potentially investing in the wrong person Kind of finding myself in the same boat as you david49. I became incontinent while i was married and now am finding myself faced with the daunting task of navigating dating, and how to disclose my medical issues. I like the approach Slomo lays out. I did exactly this and dated a wonderful lady for a while. She was very understanding when I very nervously mentioned my troubles and she and I agreed that it didn't even matter. We liked each other and it wasn't going to keep us from "seeing where things go". We got to know each other and talked about everything. We even talked openly about my incontinence. In one conversation we had she told me I was "brave" for dating with all my issues, and that it "shouldn't stop me", but if she had the same problems she "wouldn't be able to date anyone" she'd be "too embarrassed to leave her house" I didn't take it any different than how she meant it at the time, but after more reflecting more, it really psyched me out. Confidence is paramount to putting yourself out there in the dating world. The ability to bounce back after being rejected, or feel worthy of acceptance is dependent on it. After that experience I have been less inclined to feel like sharing myself, and have been avoiding dating although probably more so subconsciously. I don't want to be alone, but sorting out the whole dating thing, and having the extra piece of sharing my medical issues is just more than I feel like dealing with most of time. I don't have any advice. Just sharing. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
david49 Posted June 12, 2023 Author Share Posted June 12, 2023 Again thank you for your advice. I had adopted practically the same method which helped me to meet a very nice and attentive woman. Unfortunately, there was no follow-up, but it allowed me to overcome my fear. To tell the truth, I'm a little lost and I don't know what I want. Every day, I manage my daily life in relation to my incontinence, I am no longer able to control my bladder and diapers have become a necessity. I feel embarrassed to impose my incontinence on someone. I don't know if I will be able to bear the gaze of a person compared to me. This is a new situation for me and I think it will take me time to overcome the obstacles. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slomo Posted June 13, 2023 Share Posted June 13, 2023 For all the stigma, diapers are NOT that bad. They are less limiting than a wheelchair (no offense), and less noticeable than glasses. They are more legal than alcohol and better for our health than cigarettes. If you really want to worry about imposing certain things onto a potential mate, worry about the things that actually matter. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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