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@Dandelion Apologies for the delayed response. I have limits on how much time I can spend on this.... Before it started, I had 10 occurrences between my 7th and 13th birthday, and as a teenager there were two times (packing for a retreat and packing to go off to college) where the thought crossed my mind "What if I wet the bed?", as I never understood why on those 10 times. Later as an adult my second water bed taught me I was vulnerable to certain types of sudden temperature changes causing an urge in my sleep (that went unrecognized), so the main initial thoughts were something was wrong as I hit three times the first night and twice each night the rest of the first week. Called the doctor after the first or second night, but he wasn't concerned based on my past history. However I knew something had changed -- during the previous events it only would happen once in a given night... When it continued after getting off the medications, I noticed a short while later that how I "sensed" things had shifted for the second time that I noticed in my life. (Up until Covid-19, I haven't heard doctors concerned about how a person "senses" things - touch, smell, pain, etc. I've known since elementary school I was different from "normal" in this area.) And that change switch what was occasional nocturia into occasional nocturnal enuresis..... I spent the next year and a half researching information available at the local university hospital library trying to find more - but basically only finding information on (a) with women who I felt had small bladder capacities, and studies of youth (higher percent boys) trying to overcome the problem I was now having... And didn't find a solution that worked.... It did wake up the young boy in me.... And I did find the "little boy" in me never learned to dislike diapers. The "big boy" in me wants out of them, but doesn't know how.... The adult / engineer in me understand my control system and bladder is screwed up... and at this point accepts what is, Now, I've added the "fun" of early onset BPH to the mix. My maximum functional bladder capacity is reduced, and if I stay properly hydrated and get a good night's sleep, I'm going to have a wet diaper in the morning.... And I've accepted that.... Yes there are psychological items that go with that.... Best wishes on dealing with your issues.

Kind of finding myself in the same boat as you david49. I became incontinent while i was married and now am finding myself faced with the daunting task of navigating dating, and how to disclose my medical issues. I like the approach Slomo lays out. I did exactly this and dated a wonderful lady for a while. She was very understanding when I very nervously mentioned my troubles and she and I agreed that it didn't even matter. We liked each other and it wasn't going to keep us from "seeing where things go". We got to know each other and talked about everything. We even talked openly about my incontinence. In one conversation we had she told me I was "brave" for dating with all my issues, and that it "shouldn't stop me", but if she had the same problems she "wouldn't be able to date anyone" she'd be "too embarrassed to leave her house" I didn't take it any different than how she meant it at the time, but after more reflecting more, it really psyched me out. Confidence is paramount to putting yourself out there in the dating world. The ability to bounce back after being rejected, or feel worthy of acceptance is dependent on it. After that experience I have been less inclined to feel like sharing myself, and have been avoiding dating although probably more so subconsciously. I don't want to be alone, but sorting out the whole dating thing, and having the extra piece of sharing my medical issues is just more than I feel like dealing with most of time. I don't have any advice. Just sharing.