Slomo

I just had an interesting conversation with a new urologist, so thought I'd share.

For those who don't know, I previously had a severe urinary blockage (neurogenic dyssynergia), coupled with sever urge incontinence. And yes, it was painful and the complications from it were even a little deadly. A whopping 16 surgeries later and now I'm functionally incontinent, with dripping all the time.

Except recently I've sometimes been retaining urine in my bladder. Given my history I figured it would be best to look into why that's happening. So my pcm referred me to a new urologist. I'm a disabled veteran, and get my primary care at a Navy base hospital, and my urologist referral also ended up being on base too. And he is an active duty Captain.

So I started him off with a brief history, where I should be with my functional incontinence, and what's been going on. And as expected he ordered a cystoscopy for a later date so we can figure out what's changed. But then he starts asking me how I've been dealing with all my problems, sex life, and managing my incontinence! Like, no other specialist has EVER cared enough to even ask this stuff....

On the topic of managing my incontinence we ended up talking about how difficult it was for me when I first started wearing depends 24/7 (In the 90's). And how bad they were with leaks. How even now the only thing dependable with Depends is they absolutely will leak. But I've since found much, much better online that is also cheaper.

Intreagued he asked me what I use now, and I told him Betterdry (just to keep it simple, even though I actually use Crinklz). That yes they cost 3x as much, but they also last 6x as long. They don't leak, have better acquisition and therefore feel dryer for longer, need changing much less often, and therefore cost less on a cost-per-day basis. And he was really happy to hear all that. I just wish I also told him about LLMedical, which sells them with a military/veterans discount. Lol, or maybe this website too.

On 7/8/2023 at 7:26 AM, John Davis said:

Slomo, you had it really rough in college.  The stress must have been terrible.

--John

On 7/8/2023 at 3:07 AM, Zombie_Turtle said:

I had an overactive bladder during that period of my life but it had yet to cause any problems other than making me feel embarrassed, or kind of abnormal.

Slomo: that sounds horrible. I'm sorry you had to deal with that, and on top of it, not having effective means to protecting yourself.  

Thanks for the sympathy. It didn't happen all that often, maybe like once a week or two. And thankfully my time in the US Marines instilled me with a lot of self confidence that helped me deal with it.

All that hardship is one of the reasone why I like being here to try and help others. It gives me meaning to know that I didn't go though it all for nothing. That others can benefit from it all.

Does community college while living at my own apartment count?

That was also decades ago, and about 1-2 years after I became incontinent. I was still trying to figure out what diapers actually worked, and back then there weren't many options. So I was predominantly using Attends 10 with wasitbands,  but had urge incontinence and would flood my diapers.

All too often I'd be sitting down in class and would leak. If it wasn't too bad I'd just stay seated till most everyone had left. Embarrassment aside, a few professors expressed sympathy, and everyone else didn't notice or didn't care. I'd then carry my bag to cover up as much as I could. I also kept a spare diaper in my bag if changing was needed, or a beeline home was a better option. And this was also when I figured out black pants were always needed.

At some point I started adding a booster pad too. At first it was a maxipad, but then I found baby diapers worked better and cheaper. Leaks still happened at times, but not as bad. They were always just delt with as best as I could. Unfortunately, diaper covers worn over disposables weren't even a thing back then. Neither were leak guards, sap, or any of the major improvements we now have. So as one can imagine I kept myself at a social distance from others, and didn't attempt to make any new friends.

I was going to say the same things as John. It sounds like reusable underwear just doesn't have enough capacity for your needs. Though you could add good diaper cover over the underwear which should help contain some of the leaks. You may also want to give pocket diapers a try, which might just be enough. Though you may actually need a higher quality pullup, or mid quality cloth-like disposable diaper.

I know, I know, you want to be as discrete as possible while also being enviromentally friendly and/or save on costs. Just consider a thick diaper that has done its job is way less noticable than a thin one that has leaked. People are not staring at your crotch, and are generally too engrossed in their own worlds to notice anyways. Not to mention you can adjust your wardrobe to help hide the added bulk, while also wearing black which will help hide bulk and any wet patches.

Also consider cotton is horrible for our environment. It strips the land or nutrients, which needs to be mined and trucked in. As well as requiring a massive amount of water to grow. Whereas plastic comes from underground oil and eventually when it's thrown away ends up being returned underground. I'm not saying plastic is environmentally friendly, but I am saying cotton isn't either.

As for costs. When you're incontinent there is no "can you afford diapers", it's you buy what you need first, then ask if you can afford things like tv/streaming, a mobile phone, or eating out.

1 hour ago, John Davis said:

I have mentioned elsewhere something I think should be mentioned here.  "Airing out" is a big help to avoid rashes.  When time permits, I air out after my shower by sitting on an open diaper or a cloth booster pad for my cloth diapers, just in case...  

However when time is at a premium, to speed up the airing out process the best method is to use a hair dryer on the "cool" air setting.  This way it requires only minutes and is very effective.  Your wife or female partner may not want you to borrow hers all the time, so just get your own.  The most inexpensive one will do a great job.  The smaller "travel" version is more than adequate and will fold up to require less storage space.🙂

--John

Yeah, airing out was in my original post here. And it can't be stated enough for the importance in preventing rashes. I had said laying out under a ceiling fan works really good, but have also used a hair dryer when time was short. The key takeaway is that moving or blowing air. 

Now that is so hot out, I thought I'd give this thread a bump so everyone can see it. Make sure you're taking care, and up your game for the time being.

23 hours ago, Scarth said:

O  i always called them Diapers and  you are right about  it  being clear  on  your needs  .. but  after  she  told me thats  what  they have  to  call them  i didnt  correct  them..  the  same  nurse  looked at  one of  my  better drys i had in  my  bag and commented on  how  much  better  they are  then what  the  hospital uses  

 

Lol, I've had that happen a LOT too. Whenever they see my diapers (Betterdry before, Crinklz now) I always get inquiries about them. How they look so much better, cost, comfort, you name it. And of course why the prints.

If you wear 24/7, the biggest thing to know is your body will adapt, eventually. It took me about 3-4 summers of wearing plastic diapers 24/7, but eventually I did stop excessively sweating down there. 

Until then, make sure your diaper is very absorbent and has a really good acquisition layer to act as a barrier between your diaper and skin. Any of the premium or abdl diaers out there are good for this. I'd say Abena/Seni quality, or better. And absolutely stay away from any diapers you can buy at a local store. They clog up from sweat in a matter of minutes.

If you normally don't wear a cloth like disposable or a pullup, don't switch to them just because of the heat and sweating. While it IS a good idea in the short term, in the long term it will actually set you back from adapting to the heat. If ever at all. Though there are exceptions to the rule, like if you know you'll be taking a shower in the next couple of hours. Or may need to change now, and then change again soon for whatever reason.

Until then, the only things you can really do to help is use a light amount of powder before diapering up. Make sure to spread it all around your front and back, but not too thick or that will also clog up the diaper. Keep up with any rashes too, they will spread like wild fire in the heat and humidity. And of course, it it gets too bad then give it some heavy consideration to changing into another plastic diaper early.

PS. I moved from Michigan to Florida shortly after becoming incontinent. That was a double wammy for my having to adapt. But I did, and so can anyone else.

13 hours ago, Scarth said:

I asked a nurse last time i was in the hospital and its there policy to call them briefs, the last thing i want is to make my nurses day harder when its out of there control.

 

I've run up against that too. Right after I requested a new diaper, the nurse said she'd get me a brief and be right back. And she came back with a pullup instead. So I had no choice but to correct her that I had asked for a diaper, not a pullup or brief and definitely not a flat pad to lay on.

The nurse also said they have to call them briefs or pads, but understood it would have been better to be clearer on the hospitals part. And also recognized the reinforced stigma only makes it worse. The nurse then said thanks for pointing it out and she'd bring it up to the hospital admin. So don't feel bad not pointing it out, the only way policies like this change is when people do complain.

For those that are urinary incontinent, how do you handle giving an on-demand pee sample for a urinalysis? And if you're also fecal incontinent has that ever made it more difficult or complicated?

Yesterday I had to give a pee sample as part of routine screening for a major upcoming surgery (total right knee replacement). I knew it was needed, so that morning I drank a whole bunch of water. I was given the cup and made my way to the bathroom. In the past I've just sat on the toilet, holding the cup under me. And over 10-15 minutes will slowly drip pee into the cup untill there is enough for the lab to test.

Except this time my IBS-D decided to flare up. As I was removing my pants, and before I could slide down my diaper, I had a sudden and very liquid bowel movement. It just came out of nowhere without any warning. So now I had to deal with a very messy diaper, clean up as best as I could, then sit there for 15 minutes to get the sample. The worst part was when I was done I didn't have a clean diaper on hand with me to change into. (I keep my supplies in my car as accidents like this are very rare for me). So I dropped off the sample and made a bee line out of there. Went home, and got cleaned and changed.

1 hour ago, John Davis said:

It is not childish to need to wear an adult diaper.  What is childish is to be in denial about your body's medical needs.  Wearing a diaper does not make you any less of an adult.

I am a bit conflicted here.  Do public displays of ABDL and infantilism create public attitudes that are antithetical to what we are trying to achieve? (please note that I am focusing on "public displays." I am not against anyone choosing to be ABDL.

Good discussion.

--John

I've watched the abdl forums for a looooonnnnggg time. And can say for certain they do not undermine what we are trying to achieve. At least the vast majority don't.  And when some abdl does crop up in a bad way they are shot right back down. Policed by their own community.

In fact, I'd say the 30-40% of abdls who also have a diaper fetish are hidden so far in the closet they might as well be top secret about it. And the rest just want the idea of adults wearing a diaper (regardless of a physical OR psychological need) to be more socially acceptable. No forced exposure in public, except in places where it's already ok to be less dressed (like a locker room or at the beach). They just want the ability to be in public, with a diaper on, and not have to feel embarrased or be in fear of being found out. Pretty much like the rest of us.

Same. I've already said this in a couple of other threads, but refusing to call them what they are only breeds confusion and heightens the stigma. I'm also a big advocate for calling things what they are. And if someone calls my diapers something else I will typically correct them on it.

Same, I'll use HC stalls as well. I can change in a normal stall, and have even changed in an airplane restroom, but the extra room and grab bars are always helpful. 

And yeah I've had people give disapproving looks or ask if I really need it. Just say you do, or ignore them.

4 hours ago, MichaelD said:

I think these calculation are a nice reference point - but you can see that yourself. If you don't take any urine-discoloring drugs now, you can simply look at the color of your urine. 

Almost transparent: Too much liquid
Light yellow: enough liquid
Dark yellow: too little liquit

 

That's close to the basic understanding I get from the recommendations too. Though I believe your estimating is a little off. As I understand it, it should be more like this:

Crystal clear: too much water, ok to cut back some

Almost transparent: well hydrated, keep it just like that

Light yellow: slightly dehydrated, you should probably drink more

Yellow: dehydrated, you need to drink a LOT more.

Dark yellow: severly dehydrated, get yourself to the hospital.

On 6/21/2023 at 7:37 AM, John Davis said:

I have mentioned that not all authorities agree on the recommended daily intake of water.  In recent data, Mayo Clinic notes that the U.S. National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine determined that an adequate daily fluid intake is: about 15.5 cups (3.7 liters) of fluids a day for men and about 11.5 cups (2.7 liters) of fluids a day for women.  About 80% of that comes from water and the rest from food.

So, the 80% that comes from water and other fluids would mean about 12.4 cups of fluids (99 oz.) per day for men and about 9.2 cups (73.6 oz.) per day for women.

The 12 cups per day for men is close to what I am averaging.

All sources note that the figures must be adjusted for weight, level of activity, ambient temperature, etc.

Right, I did simplify it. They all agree 2 liters per day is a minimum, but the upper range does vary wildly on a slew of factors.

7 hours ago, zzyzx said:

While I'm normally wearing cloth, on my last vacation I had both NorthShore's MegaMax and Tykables (blue) Camo, plus both companies doubler's.  Neither completely work at night for me, however with Tykables doubler added (to either), most nights were good.  Because I currently need some protection during the day, but use the toilet during the day, I found the Camo's easier to use than the MegaMax, with the doubler.  That took care of the slight issue during the day and then the heavier wetting at night.  So, one diaper per day....  If I ever loose more control during the day, I'd have to change how I do things.

With the doubler up front, this was overkill for my normal needs, but it kept from hitting leaks at the legs when the front was well used earlier during sleep.

Next time I'm on vacation (or preparing / evaluating for) again I need to keep @Slomo's comment about lower tape placement in mind and see if I can make an adjustment in how I use things to get better utilization of the rest of the diaper before it leaks.

Keep in mind that some diaper shapes just don't work as good for some people. And it's not so easy to just adjust where the tape can land at, or how well angled you can tape it on. For me, there's no way I can adjust the middle tape on a megamax, tykables, or similar type of diaper, to get a half-decent fit.

One thing I did try though, is add my own third tape. One low enough that I actually could get a decently snug fit around my legs. And wow, that made all the difference. The megamax I had on could have lasted a full day and then some, and didn't even didn't come close to leaking even when it was saturated all the way up the back side.

Oh wow. I can't believe they made you keep taking it after you threw up the first time. Let alone after so many repeats. Doctors are supposed to know they can use multiple types of prep solution. Mine was called Clenpiq, it was a small 6-8oz bottle I drank half of in one gulp, then again 4 hours later in another gulp. I did almost throw that stuff up, and I'm sure if it was mixed with the electrolyte water like yours was I probably would have. 

Why they can't make it tast less awful I have no idea. But mine didn't tast like it was supposed to either, not even close. My last one 10 years ago had me use mirlax and dulcolax. No bad taste, and no inclination of throwing up. Same end result.

And wow 27 megamax diapers? That's way more than I would have guessed could have been needed. Then again you did effectively go through the prep twice in a row. At least you had the supplies and didn't have to result to those medical grade pullups. I don't even want to imagine that.....

Not Trest, but I did try Megamax. And was kind of disappointed with them. They leaked on me before they even came close to half full, right at the front of my legs. Not a surprise though, Megamax has their lower tapes shifted up towards the middle of the back wings. Which means I will never be able to get a snug fit around my legs with them. Really with any diaper that uses a tape landing zone, and "no lower tapes". Which Trest is even more extreme with their tape placement, so I have no interest in trying them.

Actually, they do. The World Health Organization, US Surgeon general, and others, all agree that every adult should be taking in 2 liters of liquids per day, PLUS adding on to that based on an individuals weight, temperature, humidity, level of activity, and so on.

When I was in Marine Corps boot camp (Paris Island, South Carolina, in July), we easily drank 8+ liters per day and never came close to overhydrating. Though if we had tried drinking all of that in an hour or two we likely would have. That's because overhydrating is grossly over estemated for what it takes and in reality is quite difficult for most people to achieve.

Now though, I usually take in about 2 liters per day. That includes a cup or two of light brewed coffee, some milk, a little alcohol at night, and mostly flavored water. So I'm probably a little under hydrated but feel I'm good enough since my pee only has a slight yellow tint to it. Yeah it should be clear or nearly clear, but meh...

Definitely different motives. I keep my supply of diapers, and a diaper pail, in my master bedroom closet. My medical need for diapers is no longer a secret, but if I have guests over who don't need to know then I'll just close the closet door. 

Growing up as a DL I did have to hide them though. Under my dresser was an OK spot for a time, but eventually it was easier to just put a lock on my bedroom door. 

11 hours ago, Rothpirate said:

By youth I mean toddler all the way up to youth, if you check the website they are all the same shape.

 

Ok I did take a look. They don't have any definitive pictures showing the actual cut and shape of each diaper, but if you look close you can spot many differences. As an example, their cloth diaper for a 3 year old doesn't have any front wings on it. Now look at their adult sized diaper of the same product line. See they have front wings. Another example, pay close attention to how high the diaper extends up. They are nowhere close to the same for a 3 year old as an adult.

You're confusing the same product line for different ages, with an exact scaled up version across all ages. And they are definitely more different than just being scaled up. They are shaped differently. Hence my original post, there are no adult diapers shaped like a baby's. 

I can actually see that working for a scaled up youth diaper (which is 10-14 years old). By that age their body shape would be closer to that of an adult. Still not quite the same, but potentially doable for some adult body shapes.

For all the stigma, diapers are NOT that bad. They are less limiting than a wheelchair (no offense), and less noticeable than glasses. They are more legal than alcohol and better for our health than cigarettes.  If you really want to worry about imposing certain things onto a potential mate, worry about the things that actually matter.

It may be your subconscious holding you back. Can you fully say you trust your diaper to not leak at night, in any position, and even flooding the diaper from a full bladder? If no, then you need better diapers.

I used to have that problem too. Turns out it was the diaper I was using. It took a while after switching to betterdry/crinklz, but eventually I was able to get a full night's rest and wake up in a wet diaper. Part of the key is when you wake up, don't move or make any adjustments. Pee exactly as you are, then try to fall back asleep without moving too. Eventually your subconscious will get the message you don't have to move, and your diaper will keep you protected, so there's no need to wake up.

Oh it'll frighten a lot of people away for sure. But look at it this way, people with that shallow mind set aren't the ones you'll want to be dating anyways. So in a way, your up front incontinence info is just a really good filter to get rid of them before they waste your time. But of course it also means you'll be seeing and talking to fewer people. People who will be more understanding and open, but fewer people.

Another approach (the one I took), is to just use a normal profile and date normally. By about the third date start talking about each other's medical problems and mention it then. That gives them time form a good first impression before getting into the less favorable impressions. But also doesn't waste too much time potentially investing in the wrong person.