CrochetGirl, I think you already have found the solution to living with bowel incontinence - prior planning and preparation. Regrettably, it takes good planning and preparation - and that requires a significant amount of time, as you already have learned. Unfortunately, we tend to lose spontaneity.
You are impressively well organized and I agree with everything you are doing.
Like you, I have a formal daily bowel program. I have neurogenic bowel due to an old accident and am seen by a SCI Rehab clinic in addition to gastroenterologists, etc.
Unlike you, I have very few accidents as I self-administer old fashioned enemas every morning. These are traditional soapsuds or saline enemas from a hanging rubber enema bag, not the chemical Fleets enemas. I will emphasize that an empty bowel cannot have an accident. Once done I can (almost) forget about bowel problems until the following morning. I would rather do this at home than risk a bowel accident in public. I also will note that this is by prescription by my SCI docs and with the approval of my gastroenterologists.
Be good to yourself. By that I mean consciously managing your emotional health. Perhaps half the battle to manage incontinence is emotional. Incontinence (and particularly bowel incontinence) causes stress and the stress can increase the incontinence. It is a vicious cycle. Give yourself a break, ie., pamper yourself with something relaxing or enjoyable.
It does get better. With time we adapt better to the necessities of living with bowel incontinence. Many things just become "normal" like my diapers just becoming my underwear - not a big deal.
Please continue to talk with us. Just talking can be helpful. I am sure you will hear from others here with similar issues.
Best wishes,
--John