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The Bedwetting Stigma


John Davis

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Is the social stigma associated with bedwetting even worse than that associated with bladder incontinence?  If so, why?

The two have so many similarities that one would expect the public attitudes to be the same to both of them.  I am not aware of any studies on this, but I suggest that the bedwetting stigma does seem to be greater.  Bedwetting suggests that we failed to mature and outgrow childish inabilities to control our bodily functions.  Incontinence is almost the same.  However, people have reasons to acquire bladder incontinence as adults through illness, age, or accidents.  Few of those reasons apply to bedwetting.

What do you think?

I will add that I am a bedwetter.  The bedwetting was acquired as an adult because of a combination of spinal cord and pelvic trauma and surgery.  I am not sure how often I now wet the bed as I now do not attempt to get up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet.🙂  This is with the (reluctant) approval of my urologist as the higher priority was to get a decent night's sleep.  So, my diaper always is wet in the morning.

--John

 

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Bedwetting was one of the first clues that something was wrong and that I would need to start wearing diapers.  I have found that I usually wet myself within the first 3 hours of falling asleep.  I still wake up after (sometimes) when my bladder is spasming and wetting myself.  I used to try to get up and partially use the bathroom but there's no point it seems, and the act of getting out of bed was painful and incredibly disruptive to sleep.  Sleep is crucial to managing my nerve disorder.  If I don't sleep well enough daytime wetting is far worse than it would be because the nerve and muscles weren't able to reset and heal properly.  don't know if I am "un-potty training" myself but I don't care at this point anymore.  I just want to sleep.  If I don't sleep pain is worse.  

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@John Davis@Zombie_Turtle@Susan

In my mind, a stigma is simply something that is put in your mind when you are a kid. You end up having the ability to live your life as a young child and do whatever you do, and you use your diapers as normal. it is normal for a little kid to wear diapers and use them, it is quite normal for them to wet themselves mess themselves and to want to take their diapers off and run sometimes. There is no stigma attached with wearing diapers when you're a kid that you need them, Because you have people that support it, and you have people that understand it.

When you deal with potty training, you end up gaining the need a potty train, if possible. some people take longer to train than others, and for those, a stigma could develop because somebody thinks that they're not trying hard enough, and they're putting these ideas in people's heads that they're not doing something that they should. They're using a diaper when they should be using the toilet, or their wetting their beds and should be using the toilet. These stigmas are based on what our parents think is appropriate based on our age and our ability. parents want us to be out of diapers as quickly as possible, so they don't have to deal with having to change them or purchase them, and sometimes kids don't quickly train, or they try to train, and they end up back in diapers for longer period of time, until they are ready. you have to be physically emotionally psychologically ready to be able to do it, otherwise our parents asking us to train is like asking me to give Mikey $1,000,000! I wish I could do it, but that's impossible! a kid has to be ready to be able to handle the situation, and that requires his body to be ready in his mental maturity must be ready to do it. if the kid doesn't have that ability, they're not gonna be successful, and sometimes even when they try, they fail.

Stigma is based on other people's opinion as to what the norm should be for somebody that is say 4-5 or six years old. somebody sets the norm that says 5 year old kids don't wear diapers or kids don't wear diapers after so much time, and they go to school, so the first thing they wanna do is train you. And if you're having trouble training, that can be something that can be detrimental to the kid because they because they think there's something wrong with them, when in reality all it is is maybe their bladders are smaller and they need to grow, or maybe they're having trouble holding whatever they're trying to hold, before they get to the bathroom.

You can do a lot of different things like cut the water, cut the soda, cut the caffeine, or do other things to help you at night when you're a kid, but if you are a guy or a young lady that needs to use the bathroom, it's going to happen, even I have made a mistake in what the bed a few times myself, but it isn't for lack of trying, And I can tell you from experience, that sometimes you miss, sometimes you don't hit the target, and you make a mess and all you do is resign yourself to the fact that you just peed yourself, or peed all over the floor. that can give you another stigma like you failed.

I can also tell you from experience that potty training is difficult for some people, impossible for very few, But there is a possibility that that may be a possibility for people who have medical and have to wear diapers. For me I was trained early, but I was always prepared in case I had to use the bathroom, because my parents knew that my disability may end up precluding me from getting to the toilet on time, so they were always around to help me if I wanted to get there quickly, because my mom was saying to me to me that she would rather get me there fast, and have me not get hurt rather than having me worry about making a mess, because a mess can be cleaned up, but broken bones or other problems are harder to deal with.

If you have people that support you like I said in my earlier post, stigmas earn is bad I don't believe, because the people that know of your condition and know why that you have these issues aren't there to make judgments on you.  the general public makes judgments based on what they see or what they think is appropriate based on the norms of the community. in the incontinence community or the diaper wearing community, It is expected that people are going to wear diapers and, and we don't judge people's need or judge people's reasoning for using diapers. we come together and we help them. if they question themselves and wonder why, we try to help them deal with whatever it is that they deal with. we answer their questions as truthfully as they can be answered, and we always try to answer the question they ask, rather than to try to run them down a rabbit hole and tell them that their wrong order it's bad or whatever. the idea of being in a community like this is to support people and get support from people.

even I have challenges like everyone else: for the longest time I was thinking to myself what the heck is wrong with me And why am I dealing with incontinence now. I was kind of relieved because I Thought that it would be a good idea to wear diapers, but I figured what will people say What will people think What would people believe. these are all stigmas that were brought forward to me to me after I continued to have accidents, and then I realized that a stigma is only what somebody thinks, what somebody believes or what some people use as a judgment poll to decide where a person should be, and whether a person should be wearing diapers or not. it is not the public's responsibility to judge the reasoning why someone does what they do, or why someone may decide to treat incontinence in a different way. it is the public's responsibility to be supportive of those that are dealing with issues that may be uncomfortable to not only the person that is dealing with it, but too others that are dealing with the same problem. it is not the fault of individuals that they have incontinence, but it is our responsibility as citizens to support them and help them to deal with it, so they can be and continue to be the best people they can be, supporting our community, because without support, we are in trouble.

I don't care how old you are whether you are a baby, whether you are two years old, whether you're 50 years old, or older Call there are many reasons why people are dealing with incontinence, there are people that still believe the old wives tales:  The ones that set ages that people should be potty trained by, the ones that set miles songs for child to be able to gain, and wild milestones are an important part of growing up, setting a milestone that says that a person needs to be trained by a certain amount of time, is only something that is probably set by our parents because they don't want to deal with diapers anymore. sometimes you have to deal with diapers regardless of what they deal with, and I'm glad that my mom was the kind of person that was a matter of fact, but always was loving and supportive, even when I was trying to figure out to myself why I felt the way I did, the fact is that incontinence is something that happens to many, and the way you react to it and the way you treat it while it is your decision, is the way that Help you to deal with the issue. If you are empathetic and understand others struggles, it is easier for you to be able to take it in hand and say, it's no big deal, people do have incontinence and they deal with it all the time, just don't worry about what other people say, do what you think is right, and we'll be here to help you and support you.

I also think that stigmas were something that was put in our heads because they didn't want us to feel like we were going to get hammered with peer pressure because somebody that's older may wear diapers. Peer pressure is something that is very very very strong, And sometimes peer pressure is what someone needs to help them get over a bump in the road, And sometimes that helps a person learn the skills that they need, but sometimes pressure can be detrimental, or hurt somebody. This is why when I have young friends that have problems with incontinence, I always tell them that it's not their fault, and wearing diapers is not bad, I always try to pull the positive into what Is considered negative, And I always tell them that it's OK, Because your diaper will help you. it is not your fault that you have you have the problem that you're dealing with, and sometimes you just need to get bigger, and the problem will hopefully fix itself, but sometimes the problem does not, but that doesn't make a person any less of an individual because they were diapers, and the good thing about diapers is, you don't have to worry about wet pants, just your wet diapers and an occasional leak here and there.

The thing is you have to turn a stigma into something that is not bad anymore. Luckily times have changed and people are more understanding of what incontinence is and why people use the things they used to deal with it. Today, incontinence is something that is dealt with with professionalism and tact, and it's not something that is made to be a negative where people would judge a person because of it period To judge someone because of incontinence is the bad thing to do, because even when somebody has their own issues, we all have issues of what we must deal with And sometimes incontinence is the demon that someone is trying to deal with, and the way they deal with it is to wear diapers or to deal with it in another medical fashion period Since this is an incontinence form, we will just say that people can use medicines or incontinence products, and it's up to the person who is dealing with the situation.

This is why I'm always empathetic: there are many things that go wrong in life, and there's many things that are really bad. one of the things that I learned is that I have a lot of things that I'm dealing with My age, my disability, my mobility, my mental state, and everything that I'm dealing with. I'm also dealing with incontinence, and other medical issues. if you deal with incontinence, In my mind, the lowest of the things that I'm worried about, because I have a way to deal with it. Sure you're gonna deal with incontinence, but on a scale of 1 10, 10 being the worst possible thing that you can deal with, and a one being the least, incontinence is a one on the scale, because I have the right attitude, the right support, the right equipment, and I understand that it's not my fault, and I'm not going to pick on somebody or make them feel bad because of it. stigmas do that, and I think that's part of the problem, we need to get rid of these old stigmas that say diapers are bad.

Let's put it this way: if you had a choice between wearing wet pants, or wearing a diaper and then wetting your diaper, would you rather have a wet diaper that you change and your dry pants, or would you rather have no diaper And wet your pants and have a whole bunch of mess to clean up? the answer probably would be that it would be more comfortable to wear a diaper, because that way at least you're dealing with the situation, and you don't have to worry too much. Sure you're gonna have to clean up afterwards, But if it wasn't for a diaper it would be a lot worse if you didn't have one on. The problem is that you have people that put stigmas in people's heads that make it sound like if you wear a diaper it's bad, or you tell a kid that wearing diapers is the most ridiculous thing, or pick on them, and that's what puts these negative connotations in their minds. if we can reverse this trend and tell kids that diapers are used by babies, but not necessarily everyone wearing are babies, and they can help you, and you reset their mindset a little, then they realize that a diaper is helpful, and not bad.

When I started having problems at 46, including having accidents in my pants or in my chair, or even in my bed, I realized That I needed help and I ask the doctor for it, I also went to daily diapers, because, because I knew that there were people that were in my position and would understand exactly what they deal with.  @Incont Understands exactly what people go through, and his community has been very very helpful to me and others. I knew that exactly where I needed to be, and I knew which several of the people by name because I had seen them before, and they have always been supportive. when I had the issues that I was dealing with, I knew that that's where I wanted to be, and I needed to be there, because I needed to understand what is going on or why I the way I did, and especially since they did have experience with incontinence. A diaper is a tool that is being used. In my case, the accidents were happening at such a frequency that I had no choice, and as stated above, things changed so fast, and I was basically spending more time in the bathroom than any time during the day, and most of that was when I was dealing with trying to sleep at night. I spent more time in the bathroom on the toilet than in sleeping. my sleep was being interrupted, I wasn't very comfortable, and I know that there are people on daily diapers that could help me, and they help me to understand exactly what I was dealing with and why I was with it, and that it was OK. once I realized that it was OK, then I worked on trying to accept it, trying to deal with it in a way that makes sense, talking to people that have been very supportive, like a second family, and I'm so glad that I have this family, because some of the things that I've gone through people wouldn't understand, but people here do.

The first or second time that I had a problem, I couldn't even move fast enough to get out of the chair! I would feel it about an eighth of a second before I was actually out of the chair, and I couldn't even get up or be able to put my hands on the arm rest of my recliner to be able to move towards the wheelchair, And I'd already messed my pants! when this kept happening, and I kept on losing sleep, I finally said " I've had enough, and it's time to do something, that's something was to join daily diapers, and I am here now, and I will continue to support both sites, because We are all a family regardless of why we are in diapers, we are all a family, and we deal with our incontinence in different ways, and hopefully My advice can be helpful here as well as over there"

so as I say, stigma, I look you in the face and tell you too Go To Hell! Stigmas are made by others who may not understand why or how we can function the way we do or why we like something the way we do, and that is part of the problem. people judge us based on things that we have ingrained in our heads, and we need to be able to change the outlook of people who think diapers are bad. When you have incontinence, a diaper is like a savior, because it allows you to use your diaper and still move on with your life and live your life to the best possible way, although there are things that you may not be able to do as easily like swimming, but they're always good things about wearing diapers, because you don't have to worry if you have to release, You just have to be in a situation where you're around people that would expect you to release and not give you a bunch of grief overdoing it. if you have to release you have to release And that's that!

@Zombie_Turtle Has it right: I say that because the most important thing is you need to be able to get on with your life! diapers are a normal part of my life, and several friends have said that they wished diapers were more normalized. I guess that is why there are some people like me who try to help people understand that it is normal to wear diapers, and I would rather wear a diaper for the rest of my life every night, if that is what it takes for me to feel confident for me to feel safe for me to feel like something makes sense to me, and it helps me to sleep! I don't know if I can even explain why it feels so good, but it's like having someone give you a wicked shot of something that removes pain, and let me tell you sometimes when you have to go to the bathroom, the pain is ridiculous, and can come on you like somebody snapping their fingers and pointing at your stomach, and then it's like Mount Saint Helens erupting, and then your diaper is your savior because it will catch it! because of me wearing diapers, I can now sleep all the way through the night, and when I talk to my doctor about it, I told him how much time I was spending in the bathroom every night, and he was concerned about my sleep habits! I'm trying to stay as healthy as I can, and as far as I can tell diapers are helping me to stay that way, and let's hope that diapers will continue to help me, because I don't wanna worry about it anymore, worrying about it causes more trouble than it's worth, you just have to be able to deal with it, and what I've learned is that the best thing to do is to remove as much stress as you can.

Diapers not only help me with incontinence, but they help me with the stress and everything that I deal with in my life. people may laugh at me and say that that's ridiculous, but let me tell you having the diaper on kind of puts you in a position where you don't have to worry about it. You have your diaper on, and I always think of it this way: when you have to release, you are releasing all the stress and bad things that happen in your life in your diaper, which is designed to catch all of that, you change you clean up you throw it away, see you throw your stress away and you don't have to worry anymore, and every time you have that happen, your diapers ready. sometimes the stress gets out It gets out of your diaper into your cover, sometimes it leaks onto the floor, but you get rid of it and then you don't have to worry about it anymore. I never realized how much diapers helped me to be able to lower my stress level, And that seems to also be something that I want to do. I'm sick of my heart rate being over 130 beats a minute or higher because of something stupid that I think of that has no bearing on anything and makes no sense. Diapers make sense to me, and I will continue to support those that need it.

 

Edited by Brian
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This is just a notice: I posted this again because I tried to edit it because I gotten something, And apparently the post had already been posted, because I had clicked the post button when I wasn't finished. I go back into edit it and I'm able to edit it for only a few more minutes, where it says that the post can no longer be edited, and I'm not sure if this is something that @Incont May have to look into because that is really strange I've never had it set where you couldn't edit a post after a certain time limit. Usually you can edit it as many times as you need, but I just wanted to bring it to his attention. rather than trying to lose the pole entire post, I posted again in its complete form, perhaps Mike can take a look and see if there's a problem with the way the settings have been set, I don't think daily diapers act like this, so I was just curious if the settings may be a tad bit different over here than over there.

Brian

In my mind, a stigma is simply something that is put in your mind when you are a kid. You end up having the ability to live your life as a young child and do whatever you do, and you use your diapers as normal. it is normal for a little kid to wear diapers and use them, it is quite normal for them to wet themselves mess themselves and to want to take their diapers off and run sometimes. There is no stigma attached with wearing diapers when you're a kid that you need them, Because you have people that support it, and you have people that understand it.

When you deal with potty training, you end up gaining the need a potty train, if possible. some people take longer to train than others, and for those, a stigma could develop because somebody thinks that they're not trying hard enough, and they're putting these ideas in people's heads that they're not doing something that they should. They're using a diaper when they should be using the toilet, or their wetting their beds and should be using the toilet. These stigmas are based on what our parents think is appropriate based on our age and our ability. parents want us to be out of diapers as quickly as possible, so they don't have to deal with having to change them or purchase them, and sometimes kids don't quickly train, or they try to train, and they end up back in diapers for longer period of time, until they are ready. you have to be physically emotionally psychologically ready to be able to do it, otherwise our parents asking us to train is like asking me to give Mikey $1,000,000! I wish I could do it, but that's impossible! a kid has to be ready to be able to handle the situation, and that requires his body to be ready in his mental maturity must be ready to do it. if the kid doesn't have that ability, they're not gonna be successful, and sometimes even when they try, they fail.

Stigma is based on other people's opinion as to what the norm should be for somebody that is say 4-5 or six years old. somebody sets the norm that says 5 year old kids don't wear diapers or kids don't wear diapers after so much time, and they go to school, so the first thing they wanna do is train you. And if you're having trouble training, that can be something that can be detrimental to the kid because they because they think there's something wrong with them, when in reality all it is is maybe their bladders are smaller and they need to grow, or maybe they're having trouble holding whatever they're trying to hold, before they get to the bathroom.

You can do a lot of different things like cut the water, cut the soda, cut the caffeine, or do other things to help you at night when you're a kid, but if you are a guy or a young lady that needs to use the bathroom, it's going to happen, even I have made a mistake in what the bed a few times myself, but it isn't for lack of trying, And I can tell you from experience, that sometimes you miss, sometimes you don't hit the target, and you make a mess and all you do is resign yourself to the fact that you just peed yourself, or peed all over the floor. that can give you another stigma like you failed.

I can also tell you from experience that potty training is difficult for some people, impossible for very few, But there is a possibility that that may be a possibility for people who have medical and have to wear diapers. For me I was trained early, but I was always prepared in case I had to use the bathroom, because my parents knew that my disability may end up precluding me from getting to the toilet on time, so they were always around to help me if I wanted to get there quickly, because my mom was saying to me to me that she would rather get me there fast, and have me not get hurt rather than having me worry about making a mess, because a mess can be cleaned up, but broken bones or other problems are harder to deal with.

If you have people that support you like I said in my earlier post, stigmas earn is bad I don't believe, because the people that know of your condition and know why that you have these issues aren't there to make judgments on you.  the general public makes judgments based on what they see or what they think is appropriate based on the norms of the community. in the incontinence community or the diaper wearing community, It is expected that people are going to wear diapers and, and we don't judge people's need or judge people's reasoning for using diapers. we come together and we help them. if they question themselves and wonder why, we try to help them deal with whatever it is that they deal with. we answer their questions as truthfully as they can be answered, and we always try to answer the question they ask, rather than to try to run them down a rabbit hole and tell them that their wrong order it's bad or whatever. the idea of being in a community like this is to support people and get support from people.

even I have challenges like everyone else: for the longest time I was thinking to myself what the heck is wrong with me And why am I dealing with incontinence now. I was kind of relieved because I Thought that it would be a good idea to wear diapers, but I figured what will people say What will people think What would people believe. these are all stigmas that were brought forward to me to me after I continued to have accidents, and then I realized that a stigma is only what somebody thinks, what somebody believes or what some people use as a judgment poll to decide where a person should be, and whether a person should be wearing diapers or not. it is not the public's responsibility to judge the reasoning why someone does what they do, or why someone may decide to treat incontinence in a different way. it is the public's responsibility to be supportive of those that are dealing with issues that may be uncomfortable to not only the person that is dealing with it, but too others that are dealing with the same problem. it is not the fault of individuals that they have incontinence, but it is our responsibility as citizens to support them and help them to deal with it, so they can be and continue to be the best people they can be, supporting our community, because without support, we are in trouble.

I don't care how old you are whether you are a baby, whether you are two years old, whether you're 50 years old, or older Call there are many reasons why people are dealing with incontinence, there are people that still believe the old wives tales:  The ones that set ages that people should be potty trained by, the ones that set miles songs for child to be able to gain, and wild milestones are an important part of growing up, setting a milestone that says that a person needs to be trained by a certain amount of time, is only something that is probably set by our parents because they don't want to deal with diapers anymore. sometimes you have to deal with diapers regardless of what they deal with, and I'm glad that my mom was the kind of person that was a matter of fact, but always was loving and supportive, even when I was trying to figure out to myself why I felt the way I did, the fact is that incontinence is something that happens to many, and the way you react to it and the way you treat it while it is your decision, is the way that Help you to deal with the issue. If you are empathetic and understand others struggles, it is easier for you to be able to take it in hand and say, it's no big deal, people do have incontinence and they deal with it all the time, just don't worry about what other people say, do what you think is right, and we'll be here to help you and support you.

I also think that stigmas were something that was put in our heads because they didn't want us to feel like we were going to get hammered with peer pressure because somebody that's older may wear diapers. Peer pressure is something that is very very very strong, And sometimes peer pressure is what someone needs to help them get over a bump in the road, And sometimes that helps a person learn the skills that they need, but sometimes pressure can be detrimental, or hurt somebody. This is why when I have young friends that have problems with incontinence, I always tell them that it's not their fault, and wearing diapers is not bad, I always try to pull the positive into what Is considered negative, And I always tell them that it's OK, Because your diaper will help you. it is not your fault that you have you have the problem that you're dealing with, and sometimes you just need to get bigger, and the problem will hopefully fix itself, but sometimes the problem does not, but that doesn't make a person any less of an individual because they were diapers, and the good thing about diapers is, you don't have to worry about wet pants, just your wet diapers and an occasional leak here and there.

The thing is you have to turn a stigma into something that is not bad anymore. Luckily times have changed and people are more understanding of what incontinence is and why people use the things they used to deal with it. Today, incontinence is something that is dealt with with professionalism and tact, and it's not something that is made to be a negative where people would judge a person because of it period To judge someone because of incontinence is the bad thing to do, because even when somebody has their own issues, we all have issues of what we must deal with And sometimes incontinence is the demon that someone is trying to deal with, and the way they deal with it is to wear diapers or to deal with it in another medical fashion period Since this is an incontinence form, we will just say that people can use medicines or incontinence products, and it's up to the person who is dealing with the situation.

This is why I'm always empathetic: there are many things that go wrong in life, and there's many things that are really bad. one of the things that I learned is that I have a lot of things that I'm dealing with My age, my disability, my mobility, my mental state, and everything that I'm dealing with. I'm also dealing with incontinence, and other medical issues. if you deal with incontinence, In my mind, the lowest of the things that I'm worried about, because I have a way to deal with it. Sure you're gonna deal with incontinence, but on a scale of 1 10, 10 being the worst possible thing that you can deal with, and a one being the least, incontinence is a one on the scale, because I have the right attitude, the right support, the right equipment, and I understand that it's not my fault, and I'm not going to pick on somebody or make them feel bad because of it. stigmas do that, and I think that's part of the problem, we need to get rid of these old stigmas that say diapers are bad.

Let's put it this way: if you had a choice between wearing wet pants, or wearing a diaper and then wetting your diaper, would you rather have a wet diaper that you change and your dry pants, or would you rather have no diaper And wet your pants and have a whole bunch of mess to clean up? the answer probably would be that it would be more comfortable to wear a diaper, because that way at least you're dealing with the situation, and you don't have to worry too much. Sure you're gonna have to clean up afterwards, But if it wasn't for a diaper it would be a lot worse if you didn't have one on. The problem is that you have people that put stigmas in people's heads that make it sound like if you wear a diaper it's bad, or you tell a kid that wearing diapers is the most ridiculous thing, or pick on them, and that's what puts these negative connotations in their minds. if we can reverse this trend and tell kids that diapers are used by babies, but not necessarily everyone wearing are babies, and they can help you, and you reset their mindset a little, then they realize that a diaper is helpful, and not bad.

When I started having problems at 46, including having accidents in my pants or in my chair, or even in my bed, I realized That I needed help and I ask the doctor for it, I also went to daily diapers, because, because I knew that there were people that were in my position and would understand exactly what they deal with.  @Incont Understands exactly what people go through, and his community has been very very helpful to me and others. I knew that exactly where I needed to be, and I knew which several of the people by name because I had seen them before, and they have always been supportive. when I had the issues that I was dealing with, I knew that that's where I wanted to be, and I needed to be there, because I needed to understand what is going on or why I the way I did, and especially since they did have experience with incontinence. A diaper is a tool that is being used. In my case, the accidents were happening at such a frequency that I had no choice, and as stated above, things changed so fast, and I was basically spending more time in the bathroom than any time during the day, and most of that was when I was dealing with trying to sleep at night. I spent more time in the bathroom on the toilet than in sleeping. my sleep was being interrupted, I wasn't very comfortable, and I know that there are people on daily diapers that could help me, and they help me to understand exactly what I was dealing with and why I was with it, and that it was OK. once I realized that it was OK, then I worked on trying to accept it, trying to deal with it in a way that makes sense, talking to people that have been very supportive, like a second family, and I'm so glad that I have this family, because some of the things that I've gone through people wouldn't understand, but people here do.

The first or second time that I had a problem, I couldn't even move fast enough to get out of the chair! I would feel it about an eighth of a second before I was actually out of the chair, and I couldn't even get up or be able to put my hands on the arm rest of my recliner to be able to move towards the wheelchair, And I'd already messed my pants! when this kept happening, and I kept on losing sleep, I finally said " I've had enough, and it's time to do something, that's something was to join daily diapers, and I am here now, and I will continue to support both sites, because We are all a family regardless of why we are in diapers, we are all a family, and we deal with our incontinence in different ways, and hopefully My advice can be helpful here as well as over there"

so as I say, stigma, I look you in the face and tell you too Go To Hell! Stigmas are made by others who may not understand why or how we can function the way we do or why we like something the way we do, and that is part of the problem. people judge us based on things that we have ingrained in our heads, and we need to be able to change the outlook of people who think diapers are bad. When you have incontinence, a diaper is like a savior, because it allows you to use your diaper and still move on with your life and live your life to the best possible way, although there are things that you may not be able to do as easily like swimming, but they're always good things about wearing diapers, because you don't have to worry if you have to release, You just have to be in a situation where you're around people that would expect you to release and not give you a bunch of grief overdoing it. if you have to release you have to release And that's that!

@Zombie_Turtle Has it right: I say that because the most important thing is you need to be able to get on with your life! diapers are a normal part of my life, and several friends have said that they wished diapers were more normalized. I guess that is why there are some people like me who try to help people understand that it is normal to wear diapers, and I would rather wear a diaper for the rest of my life every night, if that is what it takes for me to feel confident for me to feel safe for me to feel like something makes sense to me, and it helps me to sleep! I don't know if I can even explain why it feels so good, but it's like having someone give you a wicked shot of something that removes pain, and let me tell you sometimes when you have to go to the bathroom, the pain is ridiculous, and can come on you like somebody snapping their fingers and pointing at your stomach, and then it's like Mount Saint Helens erupting, and then your diaper is your savior because it will catch it! because of me wearing diapers, I can now sleep all the way through the night, and when I talk to my doctor about it, I told him how much time I was spending in the bathroom every night, and he was concerned about my sleep habits! I'm trying to stay as healthy as I can, and as far as I can tell diapers are helping me to stay that way, and let's hope that diapers will continue to help me, because I don't wanna worry about it anymore, worrying about it causes more trouble than it's worth, you just have to be able to deal with it, and what I've learned is that the best thing to do is to remove as much stress as you can.

Diapers not only help me with incontinence, but they help me with the stress and everything that I deal with in my life. people may laugh at me and say that that's ridiculous, but let me tell you having the diaper on kind of puts you in a position where you don't have to worry about it. You have your diaper on, and I always think of it this way: when you have to release, you are releasing all the stress and bad things that happen in your life in your diaper, which is designed to catch all of that, you change you clean up you throw it away, see you throw your stress away and you don't have to worry anymore, and every time you have that happen, your diapers ready. sometimes the stress gets out It gets out of your diaper into your cover, sometimes it leaks onto the floor, but you get rid of it and then you don't have to worry about it anymore. I never realized how much diapers helped me to be able to lower my stress level, And that seems to also be something that I want to do. I'm sick of my heart rate being over 130 beats a minute or higher because of something stupid that I think of that has no bearing on anything and makes no sense. Diapers make sense to me, and I will continue to support those that need it.

The most important thing is that is that a stigma is just that, a stigma! It is something that is put in our brains to make us think that diapers and things that are somehow revolting or somehow unfavorable in the world around us, So we think they're bad. stigmans are also used as a way to change someone's opinion, or have mold them and shape them into a possible belief that something is good or bad. I can understand peer pressure in the, and the fact that young kids young kids may not want to wear diapers, and be seen by their older friends, or the or the fact that they might be picked on if they wear diapers, but a stigma is just that It is a belief that is used to change our way of thinking, when the thing is a kid should be allowed to be a kid period two out of my four brothers had bedwetting problems throughout their lives, And one of them wore diapers until he was four and a half, and my other brother wore diapers until he was almost 3. our parents didn't get after them for it, but they were taught that it was OK that they wet their beds.  They were also taught responsibility, And as they grew older, they were told if they wet their beds that wasn't a big problem, they just needed 2 bring their sheets downstairs and put them in the washer, and tell them that they wet their bed, and change it. No one got in trouble for that, but we found out, Mike and I for example, being the oldest what exactly was going on. they would want to get into bed with us, and we found out why. I had no objection, but I always would tell them that if they wet themselves, that is OK, but they're not getting into my bed for example unless they're dry!

the point is is that you should be able to look a stigma right in the eye and put a whole right in the tire of that stigma! we need to be able to remove the stigmas and all the bad connotations of wearing diapers, and allow people to understand that diapers are not the worst thing in the world! if I were to ask one in 10 people on daily diapers if they would rather wear a diaper versus whether having a wet bed, probably all ten of them would tell me that they'd rather have a dry bed, and they might have 10 different ways of dealing with the situation. The most important thing is that the stigma should not put the child or anybody else in a position where they feel any less of an individual because they don't have any control. The idea of having someone be supportive is so that they can get over it. I have cerebral palsy for example, and there's nothing I can do to change that, And I'm always going to have it from the day I've been born until the day I'm dead, but I've learned how to deal with it so that it is not something that is detrimental to my health and my well being or my mental stability. diapers give me the support that I need, and now which is I can I will continue to help people give them support as much as they need, because I say diapers are not the problem, it's the People's public persona in their belief that diapers are bad that we need to change, And we also need to make it so that people understand that incontinence is not like a dragon that's going to burn your head off if you have it! you can control it, and even then, because you have to wear diapers, you can have fun with it, and that's why for example I wear different color diapers, because plain white ones get kind of boring, but I do understand the therapy where white ones Because that's the way they feel of it, which is fine. My main concern is that we need to allow people to say they're incontinent without feeling like somebody is going to stand them up like a nightclub and do a end up routine with them at night!

remember regardless of what type of incontinence you have, you always have support, because without support, always a lot of a lot of the world around us would be something that you couldn't figure out, it would be like if the world itself was changed. I live in a world for example where you talk it might be people and they understand you, But what would happen if the world around you was like this, and then somebody decided to flip a switch, and so I'm watching unsolved mysteries for example, and everything Robert Stack says is backwards, and everything else someone says is forward and I can't understand it, and it's really weird. That's what I think some people think of incontinence, it's like being in a show called close encounters of the third kind, people are not aliens They're just people that have an issue, and people need to be understanding, even if they don't understand it, and that is why we need to teach people that incontinence is not bad, it's just how you deal with it That's important. But regardless of what you do to do that, you need to be understanding and supportive.

Brian

 

 

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5 hours ago, Brian said:

Sure you're gonna deal with incontinence, but on a scale of 1 10, 10 being the worst possible thing that you can deal with, and a one being the least, incontinence is a one on the scale,

Wow, Brian.  I really like what you said.

--John 

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20 minutes ago, John Davis said:

Wow, Brian.  I really like what you said.

--John 

@John Davis

Thank you again Sir! The way that you can deal with a situation is to put it on a priority scale. When I first started having problems with accidents, I realized that this was a 10 on the scale of I have to figure out what's going on here, and once I realized that I was having the problem I was having, then I was able to determine that I better find a way to deal with it, found that it was easier for me to deal with diapers than to deal with constantly having to get up in the middle of the night, losing sleep and being uncomfortable and and also the stigma of not having control. when I finally decided what to do, and I finally went to the doctor, asked for help and got the diapers that I needed after testing a lot of garbage, I finally got something that worked for me, and then severity of the priority scale went from a 10 down to a one, And incontinence is the least of my because I have other medical conditions that may be something I have to worry about. wearing a diaper is easy, dealing with other types of issues like diabetes or weight or something like that Maybe a tad bit different, but putting a diaper on and changing it when necessary Is it really easy.

My parents told me when I was a kid that it was OK to be unsure and it's OK to be afraid, but you should always try to learn from your experiences And each time you learn you get better, and you get more confident so that you can do things for yourself and you can take more chances, because you learn how to with a situation and master it. the. the problem with incontinence is that technically you don't have mastery of your bladder or bowels, and that is by no fault of your own, it might be because of a disease, or a malfunction in your body, or the fact that some of your body parts don't work, and if those are things that exactly what the situation is, you don't have the ability to master it, so you shouldn't beat yourself up over trying to do so! you should also and I know you understand that being able to deal with it is the big thing, Because if you can teach people empathy and understanding over something that may be uncomfortable for others, then you will be able to be that support, and you will know because you know how to handle it.

Brian

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  • 2 weeks later...

with  just  bedwetting  there  is  the  idea  that  if  you can  stay  dry  during  the  day  you  should  be  able  to  stay  dry  at  night  ..  now  those  of  us that  have  never  been dry  at  night  know  this  is  just  not  true  but  i  do  think  most  of  us  were  told  we  would  grow  out  of  it  

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On 4/22/2023 at 8:18 AM, Scarth said:

with  just  bedwetting  there  is  the  idea  that  if  you can  stay  dry  during  the  day  you  should  be  able  to  stay  dry  at  night  ..  now  those  of  us that  have  never  been dry  at  night  know  this  is  just  not  true  but  i  do  think  most  of  us  were  told  we  would  grow  out  of  it  

@Scarth

the problem with people who think that just because we can stay dry in the daytime we can stay dry at night is that they don't understand that sometimes our bladders don't work the way they think they should. part of the reason why people think that way is because they think that being dry in a day means that you're dry at night, which is obviously not the truth. my brothers ended up having problems with bed wetting all the way up until possibly age 5 at the latest, And even my my brother that is three years younger than me had an issue with bedwetting.  So it can happen to anyone, And that's what people have to understand, You can say dry during the day and have problems at night, and sometimes wearing protection at night is a lot better than having a wet bed, or not being able to get enough sleep. That is part of the problem, if you're constantly getting up and having to go to the bathroom all the time, you miss the opportunity to get some shut eye.

On 4/22/2023 at 11:01 AM, John Davis said:

Scarth, that is so true.

--John

@John Davis

I would agree!

i'd also like to point out that wearing diapers is a hell of a lot more comfortable than having wet pants, wet beds, wet anything else that you're sitting on or in.  At least with a diaper, whatever you're releasing is held, and hopefully does not end up going all over your bed, And that's why you would need to have a pair of plastic pants over the top or a trifecta diaper cover.

Brian

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