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Full Acceptance


John Davis

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We talk about the need to be fully accepting of our incontinence in order to manage it most effectively.

I have said that one of many indicators of “full acceptance” is the ability to use the dreaded “D” word  -  “Diaper.”  Can you call it a “diaper” rather than “absorbent garment?”  Of course, if you are in the UK, substitute the word “nappy.”  Of course, this applies mostly to newly or recently incontinents.

So, what does “full acceptance” mean to you?

—John

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Good question. For me, it means accepting the right level of protection needed. Sure life would be easier if I could get away with a pad in my underwear or a thin pull-up, but accept that it would be insufficient, so I wear a thicker diaper and plastic pants, even if it is less discreet. And I go about living my life like everybody else.

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Agreed 100%. Being able to admit to others you need diapers, and being able to openly talk about it is a huge step forward. Just as much as admitting it to yourself.

I'd also add that anyone who refuses to use the word Diaper are feeding into the stigma that diapers should be avoided at all costs, they are not for adults, somehow wrong and giving up, you name it. By simply mentioning them by the correct name we are fo4cing that stigma to be dispelled.

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Also, a minor history lesson. The UK and Europe originally had naps or sanitary napkins used by women for their periods. They adapted those napkins into nappies for babies. Or what we now refer to as reusable cloth.

The inventor of what we consider the modern disposable first called them boaters but quickly adapted the word diaper. 

So a nappy is reusable cloth, and a diaper is disposable plastic. But yeah, they get incorrectly mixed up and used interchangeably by a lot of people.

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I am so frustrated by medical practitioners who refuse to use the word "Diaper," claiming that it is humiliating for their patients.  As Slomo indicated, it feeds the continuing stigma.  If we cannot educate the doctors, how will we educate the general public?

In many rehab and assisted living facilities the staff are prohibited from using the word "diaper."

Too many people still feel that being identified with wearing a "diaper" means that they have lost their adulthood or maturity and somehow have reverted to being infantile.

--John

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I don't know anyone who is willing to accept his incontinence. At some point, when you have tried everything to get rid of it again, you may come to terms with the problem willy-nilly or weigh the pros and cons of treatment against management. 

Patients and physicians are primarily interested in curing the underlying condition. With the aids the physicians have as a rule little to do and can there also not well advise. They take note of the maximum b.z.w. ask how one handles the problem at present around given case a prescription to issue if that is necessary for the health insurance.

To be honest, I did not and do not care what the doctor calls the aid. My expectation from him is that he finds a solution for my health problem and does not compensate it with aids. 

Of course, the terms of assistive aid will come up somewhere. When in doubt, it just amused me. One guy once wrote down "incontinence-protection-pants." My first impulse was to ask him how these things are supposed to protect against incontinence... but then I refrained....  

Anyway - I think the question is probably wrong. I guess it's more about whether you accept a certain aid as such for yourself. From what I've heard, this is more of a minor problem. 

I think the biggest problem for those affected is to have the courage to seek medical help. The shame to talk about such a problem is very big. If medical help is sought, I don't know anyone who doesn't use some kind of aid. I mean - how should it be different - you can not lock yourself in the apartment because you can no longer go shopping or work with the problem. 

The stigma mentioned here is probably less attached to the aids than to incontinence - especially when it affects younger people, because the prejudice that something like this only affects old people is very widespread. Anyone who is younger and is not currently in a wheelchair or has been through a pregnancy falls out of the scheme.

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16 hours ago, John Davis said:

I am so frustrated by medical practitioners who refuse to use the word "Diaper," claiming that it is humiliating for their patients.  As Slomo indicated, it feeds the continuing stigma.  If we cannot educate the doctors, how will we educate the general public?

In many rehab and assisted living facilities the staff are prohibited from using the word "diaper."

Too many people still feel that being identified with wearing a "diaper" means that they have lost their adulthood or maturity and somehow have reverted to being infantile.

--John

How do you think I feel, when medical staff refuse to use the word diaper. I often think it's humiliating to call my diapers a briefs, despite me insisting it's a diaper. It feels into the stigma that we're tying to fight against. To me a diaper is a a diaper regardless if it's a baby, child, teen, adult or even an elderly person is wearing. Calling it sometime else makes it worse for those who are kept in them. It reinforces stereotypes and notions about those who wear diapers. The problem is that too many people in society are stuck on the old notions of what diapers means. Many think that only babies wear diapers when in reality anyone who has an incontinence medical condition wears diapers.

For me, I am not ashamed of wearing diapers. I know they are diapers and in my mind, diapers are normal for those who are Incontinent. Being in diapers, I know I have not lost my adulthood. Diapers allows me to have a normal life without fear or shame.

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I think I remember seeing a study on this topic. I don't remember if it was on NAFC or in Great Britain. 
There was a vote on several terms - diapers were definitely not among them.


Here in Germany, I once learned: When in doubt, use the term that the patient uses. Otherwise, terms like pad, slip, protective pants are common. Abbreviations like IKM (German abbreviation for incontinence aids) are also popular.

However, I don't see any stigmatization, just a great uncertainty about how to deal with the term. Many patients just don't like to hear the word diaper. That's why they try to find something less drastic. But this wish comes from the patients and not from the medical staff. They just have to endure the rejection they experience when in doubt about the wrong choice of words.

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Last time i was in hospital the nurses told me its hospital policy to not call them diapers. i did while i was there and they didnt correct me. personally i dont care what they call as long as we all know what we are talking about them. and the name didnt come up much at all .. i was asked if i needed changed or told it was time to change 

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I know a few times it would irk me when Nurses call my diapers briefs but I always tell them I wear diapers and not ashamed to call them diapers. I know nurses that have told me that they don't call them diapers because they think it makes people feel ashamed of being in a diaper. I often tell them a diaper is a diaper regardless if it's being put on an infant, child, teen, adult or elderly.  To me, I am not ashamed of wearing diapers and not humiliated for wearing them.

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